#1
Same 'ole....

Hit Me Before I Wake

Falsetto sound,
the piercing sound of the thought.
Though estranged,
still connected ever so slightly.
Refusing to be removed,
to the sould of which it belongs.

The mind,
ever so decieved by the misleading wordplay.
Goes along,
an ordinary day without ordinary happenings.
To the shadows,
the estranged cannot reach him there.

Disconnected,
in the solitude peace is found.
Avoiding the avoidable,
to the furthest stretches it will remain.
Paranoia of the world,
what was real is not, but unreal does not exist.

To the sky,
screaming the malcontent of his face.
The roughed finish,
only take it for what it is.
Begs aloud,
when ever did I fail?

Hit me before I wake.
#2
Quote by SilentStrings24
Same 'ole....

Hit Me Before I Wake

Falsetto sound,
the piercing sound of the thought.
try "is piercing sound of thought". to show you are more certain
Though estranged,
still connected ever so slightly.
Refusing to be removed,
to the sould of which it belongs.

instead of "to" you can use "from the sould..."

The mind,
ever so decieved by the misleading wordplay.
Goes along,
an ordinary day without ordinary happenings.
To the shadows,
the estranged cannot reach him there.

bolded line has a bit of a flow issue but other then that it's really nice


Disconnected,
in the solitude peace is found.
Avoiding the avoidable,
to the furthest stretches it will remain.
Paranoia of the world,
what was real is not, but unreal does not exist.

in 2 nd line you can use "from the solitude....". i think it adds much more meaning. but i like the whole stanza

To the sky,
screaming the malcontent of his face.
The roughed finish,
only take it for what it is.
Begs aloud,
when ever did I fail?

Hit me before I wake.

nice ending



overall i like it ,lots of thought was put in it. by fixing some words you can have a good piece. best of luck fr future pieces. crit mine if you can but don't feel obliged.link is in my sign.
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