#1
i see the seas from where i stand,
that ocean breeze falls in my hand,
i don't know what time the tide rolls on in,
but i got this heartache and it's sinking in,

into the blue skies,
it will follow the rest of life,
into the blue skies,
there's no hate for love,
into the blue skies,
money is powerless,
into the blue skies,
our time is priceless,

how could you live like this,
knowing there's more,
to our life then just pain,
how could you prey for bliss,
when people dying are right next to you,

your life isn't something you should miss,
when there's love all around you,
just pick up it'll astound you,

(acoustic solo)

how could you live like this,
knowing there's more,
to our life then just pain,
how could you prey for bliss,
when people are dying right next to you,
your life isn't something you should miss,
so don't give it away for another day in this,

into the blue skies,
it will follow the rest of life,
into the blue skies,
there's no hate for love,
into the blue skies,
money is powerless,
into the blue skies,
our time is priceless,
Last edited by lambofgodfold at Mar 22, 2007,
#2
Quote by lambofgodfold
i see the seas from where i stand,
and that ocean breeze falls in my hand,

instead of and that use only "the ocean breeze falls in my hand",it flows well in my melody atleast

i don't know what time the tide rolls on in,
but i got this bottle and it's sending out,

well nice imagery over here. instead of sending it out maybe a metaphor willl have much of an impact

into the blue skies,
it will follow the rest of life,into the blue skies,
there's no hate for love,
into the blue skies,
money is powerless,
into the blue skies,
our time is priceless,

i really liked the last 4 lines don't change anything from it


how could you live like this,
knowing there's more,
to our life then just pain,
how could you prey for bliss,
ok here i liked the whole thing your assertion and all but i personally feel last line doesn't carry the impact as the other lines ofthis stanza. moreover last line feels forced
when there's people dying right next to you,

"instead of using there's you can use some verb to keep reader more indulged in your piece like " when helpless people dying in front of you". i hope you are getting what i am trying to say


your life isn't something you should miss,
when there's love all around you,
just pick up it'll astound you,
i liked the ending of this stanza


(acoustic solo)

how could you live like this,
knowing there's more,
to our life then just pain,
how could you prey for bliss,
when there's people dying right next to you,
your life isn't something you should miss,
so toss those old ways out,


into the blue skies,
it will follow the rest of life,
into the blue skies,
there's no hate for love,
into the blue skies,
money is powerless,
into the blue skies,
our time is priceless,


i'm taking my pain away from you,
i'm taking my pain away from me,

i liked the ending. well planned alteration.




overall i think as a song it will do good . you have to just fix it a little bit here and there . best of luck for your song.

crit mine if you can. link is in sigh but don't feel obliged
Hi