I will rest my hands on the curves of your hips
While you pull me close with arms around my neck
You’re head in the nitch between my shoulders and head
With your hair making my face twitch
It’s hard to concentrate when you’re kissing my neck
But some distractions are nice
We well be the only ones under the lighting of the ball room
The last ones left
Or have we just forgot everyone else
you can use a bit of a punctuations like comma and fullstops just to keep reader intact to ur piece .
overall for a piece sort of a cliche but whatever works.
i will try to full crit it later
You see I like this, it is that simple stuff I find awesome. I think there is a big difference between something cliche and then something real... this is real. There is no symbolism or anything like that, its all realism. These are the things I like, the things I enjoy.
What the hell is wrong with Bobby Hill
I don't have much of a crit, because I'm not exactly an expert in this area. It's very simplistic, and that's what makes it so good. Just wanted to share my thoughts I really enjoyed it a lot. The final lines are top notch.