#1
Okay, this was incredibly spur of the moment, and I know it's not up to my usual standards so I'm quite unhappy with it at the moment, but I still would like some feedback on the direction it's going in. Thanks! (Oh, and this is my first post in here since I came back from Italy.....but if any of you remember me from before then, I always C4C.)

You tripped me but I never hit the ground
I've been crawling on my knees since, refusing to let you win
I'll carry you my worthless apology on my broken limbs
I know it's not much but it's more than you ever did

We're masters of disguising our thoughts,
and we never have the confidence to make a sound decision
This last time can break this bridge for good
It's hanging on a dead bolt, and I think I'm the one holding it in.

Cause I can still hear you voice ringing in my head
And I still want you near me, despite everything you did
I don't think you're even listening.

But I just hope you understand
That I've tried making this painfully obvious
And when your last words are spoken
They'll only echoe into the shameful silence
The sound of a deteriorated friendship

And I can still hear your voice ringing in my head
And I still want you near me despite everything you did
Are you even listening?
#2
i like it. the only thing i'm not 100% sure about is the "and i can still hear your voice ringing in my head" stanza's. they're not bad, but when i read them something about them just doesnt seem right. good job though thanks for the crit. this wasnt much of a crit i know, but there wasnt much to say.