#1
I keep thinking I see a spider on the wall
Just like I keep thinking that me and you could work
I take a second glance and that spider’s disappeared
It replaced my comfort with misery and fear

I ****ing hate spiders but I want it to come back
Now that it’s gone all I can see is you and her

Just a friend
Well that sucks

The wind is roaring abuse right in my face
Blowing away any hint of my existence
Reminding me I’m just a useless waste of space
Making me wonder why I even bother

I ****ing hate the wind but I want it to come back
Now that it’s gone I’m getting my false hopes up

Just a friend
Well that sucks

I was eating a chocolate bar and now it’s gone
Another bizarre thing that reminds me of you
Loved it while it was there, now I'm gutted coz it’s not
The wrapper is the memories I wont forget

I loved the chocolate but don’t want it to come back
Coz it’s just a false image of what will never be

Coz we’re just friends
And that’s all we’ll ever be

Just a friend
That really ****ing sucks


opinions anyone?
#2
Wow, nice lyrics. And its creepy, because those things sound very similar to somethings with me lately...plus i have bad arachnophobia, heh.
My gear:

Noise:
Epiphone Les Paul Custom
Ibanez GIO
Fender Squier Acoustic

Amps and Effects:

Epiphone Valve Junior Head
Built-my-Own 1x12 cabinet w/ Fender 12" speaker
Boss DS-1

Member #20 of the "I Remember Old Nickelodeon Club"
#7
Quote by PunkNMetal
I keep thinking I see a spider on the wall
Just like I keep thinking that me and you could work
I take a second glance and that spider’s disappeared
It replaced my comfort with misery and fear

I liked this intro. The spider thing I can relate to. It's an interesting, very original cmparison.

I ****ing hate spiders but I want it to come back
Now that it’s gone all I can see is you and her

I don't think this does much. I think you can say it differently with greater effect.

Just a friend
Well that sucks

Kind of immature - not the sense I got from the intro, but I did get it from the two lines before this. I would try to change it. I mean I like it, if yo're going for that - but it's better to stay away from things like this.

The wind is roaring abuse right in my face
Blowing away any hint of my existence
Reminding me I’m just a useless waste of space
Making me wonder why I even bother

Another good verse. Does a good job depicting your feelings.

I ****ing hate the wind but I want it to come back
Now that it’s gone I’m getting my false hopes up

Again, I'm not a huge fan of this.

Just a friend
Well that sucks

I was eating a chocolate bar and now it’s gone
Another bizarre thing that reminds me of you
Loved it while it was there, now I'm gutted coz it’s not
The wrapper is the memories I wont forget

Interesting, but somewhat oddly worded.

I loved the chocolate but don’t want it to come back
Coz it’s just a false image of what will never be

Coz we’re just friends
And that’s all we’ll ever be

Just a friend
That really ****ing sucks

Eh.

opinions anyone?


Well, I thought you had some good parts, but overall I think you should do some work. Some of it is very immature sounding, and I think you can write it much better if you put some more time into it. I really liked he intro, I thought it was very original. Most of yuor verses are originally, but are pieced together with filler - and I tihnk you can do better.
Good job though.

Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=550154

#8
It was really good, nice structure and every thing, I really like this. just one question though, what is the tempo?