#1
V1
Sometimes I wish you could
read the feelings in my heart
Then I wouldn't have to guess
Where you want me to start
Should I stay your friend
or do you want me
To be there 'till the end?

V2
I'm wondering if you ever think of me
The way I think of you
I wonder if you know what we can be
C'mon baby get a clue
Why can't you see
That I just want to be with you

Chorus
You've got me hangin' by a string
That only you control
You've got me wrapped around your finger
baby never let me go

V3
They don't want us together
But they don't get to decide
What we can become
we can love in the open, no need to hide
why do you let them get to you?
why do you even care?
Let's go, baby i'm not scared

Chorus

That's as far as i got. help would be great on how to add on. crit for crit
Last edited by Cyclones41 at Mar 23, 2007,
#2
Quote by Cyclones41
V1
Sometimes I wish you could
read the feelings in my heart
Then I wouldn't have to guess
Where you want me to start
Should I stay your friend
or do you want me
To be there 'till the end?

I'm not a huge fan of the last 3 lines in this verse. It's too common. I think you can find another way to say this.

V2
I'm wondering if you ever think of me
The way I think of you
I wonder if you know what we can be
C'mon baby get a clue
Why can't you see
That I just want to be with you

Getting a sense of the rhythm now and enjoying it. Prety cliche, but that seems to be what you're going for.

Chorus
You've got me hangin' by a string
That only you control
You've got me wrapped around your finger
baby never let me go

Decent.

That's as far as i got. help would be great on how to add on. crit for crit


It's an okay start, I think. Some more descriptive language would be helpful, and maybe less cliche lines, just because it's predictable. Sorry, I don't particularly know what you can add on......maybe someihng about why it's so difficult for you to say no to the person (since they'v got you wraped around their finger, you know).

If you get a minute, could you crit mine please?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=550154

#3
Quote by Cyclones41
V1
Sometimes I wish you could
read the feelings in my heart
Then I wouldn't have to guess
Where you want me to start
Should I stay your friend
or do you want me
To be there 'till the end?

i really like how well it flows. i won't change anything frm it. except one thing
in last line to add more meaning you can use here , instead of there like

"to be here till the end" or to be here until we end". just rephrase it better in ur own words. i am bit high now.

V2
I'm wondering if you ever think of me
The way I think of you
I wonder if you know what we can be
C'mon baby get a clue
try "go see my clue"
Why can't you see
That I just want to be with you

lots of ABAB gooing on here which is not a bad thing but some people will eat you alive over here for that. this stanza does not flow that good as first one. some of the lines are bit cliche but who cares. i have used cliche lines many times whenever i flet they sounded good' i liked how you variated with large and small lines in this stanza
.

Chorus
You've got me hangin' by a string
That only you control
You've got me wrapped around your finger
baby never let me go

"well chorus is simple and good . i think you can expand the chorus by altering every 2 nd line of it.


As far as how to expand it is concerned. what you can do is put some incident that how you saw her the first time and what was ur reaction. use ur head dude. i know it's a dangerous place but you know what they say "inside dangerous places there is always a beautiful rose dying to bloom". wow i can't believe i just made that up.well best of luck fr future songs and if you want any more advise feel free to pm me.thnx for the crit by the way. i will see you around


That's as far as i got. help would be great on how to add on. crit for crit



well thnx for the crit once again . i will look frwrd to see more of your work
Hi