This is about a girl I've been crazy about, but I've never made a move because she's my best friend's sister. She has a boyfriend and it makes my situation even worse. Please crit, crit for crit?

What did you expect of me?
A drunken disaster of loneliness,
You had me so quickly.
The memories, I’d never forget.
So hard, I had fallen for you,
And your warmly sympathy.
Wondering if this would be true,
And trying to make you see.
So perfect, it had seemed,
But I didn’t know what to do,
Hoping for a chance of you and me,
For I have teenage lust for you.

But he has your heart,
And you have his.
He’s had you from the start,
And together you sin.
Horrible I felt,
Feeling the bitter taste of defeat.
Feeling sorry for myself,
Still trying to make you see,
But it didn’t succeed,
And so I have nothing else to do,
But hoping for you and me,
For I have teenage lust for you.
i liked the first 4 lines of the second verse thing. its general enough so that you can put some acoustic shit under it then use it as a serenade-type thing in the future.
in general, very nice. definetly a song about loving who we cant have, which always sucks, i know.
I liked it, it had a nice flow and i would like to hear it with music

I like the wa u described the scene, and i also like the way youve explained

how u feel

All in all, it is a very good effort
The times are changing
Yeah, I've got the music set for it, but I have no way of recording it.
anyone else?
Last edited by needlesandpins at Mar 24, 2007,