#1
A friend of mine writes indie movies and he asked me to write a song for one. This is something I've been working on. Tell me what you think.


Under your covers, sleep and sound
Unaware of all that’s around
In my presence you have not shown
That you know you are not alone

My will of fate won’t ever fail
Inside your head fear will prevail
Cause I am with you here tonight
Holding strong my hatred and spite

I am all that you fear
I am somewhere in here
Your fear has confined you
Your thoughts betray what you knew
I am all that you dread
I am inside your head
Your fate is bound to me
Your loss drags you to your knees

You’re lying there safe and content
The next victim of ill intent
I only want you to believe
There and then I will be appeased

My will of fate won’t ever fail
Inside your head fear will prevail
Cause I am with you here tonight
Holding strong my hatred and spite

I am all that you fear
I am somewhere in here
Your fear has confined you
Your thoughts betray what you knew
I am all that you dread
I am inside your head
Your fate is bound to me
Your loss drags you to your knees

Whatever you say I can mute away
Whatever you feel I can numb away
Whatever you see I can take away
Whatever you hear I can shut away

Shut up!

I am all that you fear
I am somewhere in here
Your fear has confined you
Your thoughts betray what you knew
I am all that you dread
I am inside your head
Your fate is bound to me
Your loss drags you to your knees

Roaming all around
Your fate is now bound
I’m going to find you
Because I am you

My final fate is mine to seal
My last caress is all I’ll feel
I now will never feel alright
As long as I am here tonight
#3
I think that the first to stanzas are okay, but it gets better after that. I think it gets really good after the SHUT UP! part. Overall: In the begging make it more catchy and maybe more complex rhymes, rest of song is pretty good. Remember that the begging catches the listeners' ears.

Critique mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=557406
Quote by Silent_Jester13
This is the biggest collection of ADD i've ever seen.