#1
This is called Tears of a Titan by Faded Reality. I just now wrote it. Critiques and Comments will be returned.

Tears of a Titan
The light burns my blood
Like the love i hold burns my heart
I try to cry for you
But no tears will depart

CRY!

You took advantage of my hesitation
When I was looking out for you
What could i do
I was still there for you
I stayed true
While you used and used and used
I'm dried out
There's nothing left to give to you

I tried to help you through
What else could i do
I tried to give you what you need
So i gave you room to breath
You used that space to bring me down
Tears rolled with no sound
They slip down your greying face
As you slip away
To live alone we must be a beast or a god, says Aristotle, leaving out the third case: One must be both, a philosopher.
-Freidrich Nietzsche

-The Candle Burns At Both EndsX=X
#2
Quote by delano73527
This is called Tears of a Titan by Faded Reality. I just now wrote it. Critiques and Comments will be returned.

Tears of a Titan
The light burns my blood
try "light's burnin my blood"
Like the love i hold burns my heart
try "the love i hold is burning my heart"
I try to cry for you
But no tears will depart

the line i mentioned sounded bit weird . maybe you can phrase them better
CRY!

You took advantage of my hesitation
When I was looking out for you
What could i do
I was still there for you
I stayed true
While you used and used and used
I'm dried out
There's nothing left to give to you

wow really liked how it flows may be you can in last line add something like
"there's nothing left to give back to you or get back to you"
instead of being straight frwrd to the reader, you can be a little selfish and leave them to have their own meaning. it enhances the quality of piece. if you understand what i mean


I tried to help you through
What else could i do
I tried to give you what you need
So i gave you room to breath
bolded line seems bit empty and awkard

You used that space to bring me down liked this line alot
Tears rolled with no sound
They slip down your greying face
As you slip away
i didn't like the ending that much srry




overall for a piece some of the lines are phrased in a bit awkard manner.i think if you fix it a little bit over here and there and it will do good.
Hi