#1
Down

You don't wanna say it but you know it's true
It's none about us and all about you
Another nation collapsed and lost
Sure, you gain, but at what cost?

We're goin' down
Down, down, down to the ground
We're goin down
You're takin' us there
We're goin' down
And you really don't care
We're goin' down
All the way down

You can’t tell me you don’t know
I see right through your little show
People are just pawns in your game
Your rampant greed makes our country a shame
#2
I'd say this would fit very well to a sort of "Who the **** cares?! Just enjoy the show!" kind of song. I'd be interested to hear how you put the middle into song, as it seems sort of put your hands in the air and sing along.

I'd maybe work on the complexity of the verses just a bit, but that's it
#3
Quote by hardrock1315
Down


You don't wanna say it but you know it's true
It's none about us and all about you
Another nation collapsed and lost
Sure, you gain, but at what cost?
I think the first line a wee bit cliche,but the last too make up for it
Good start


We're goin' down
Down, down, down to the ground
We're goin down
You're takin' us there
We're goin' down
And you really don't care
We're goin' down
All the way down
its good,but its a bit repetitive try change some words around

You can’t tell me you don’t know
I see right through your little show
People are just pawns in your game
Your rampant greed makes our country a shame
Wow,this i like alot.especially 'I see right through your little show'and the last two lines are very nice,good flow


Overall its good,just change the chorus around I think.Other than that I like


Crit mine if you can
#4
Cheers for the crit on mine. I like this one, it really gets across the message that it's meant to get. I can't really work out what it's gonna sound like because I don't know the genre. What genre do you plan on for it? I reckon that it will sound good when it's made into a song and if you do ever record it, can you post it onto the recordings section?
Cheers,
James
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#5
Quote by gallagher2006
I'd say this would fit very well to a sort of "Who the **** cares?! Just enjoy the show!" kind of song. I'd be interested to hear how you put the middle into song, as it seems sort of put your hands in the air and sing along.

I'd maybe work on the complexity of the verses just a bit, but that's it


Thanks. It's a punk song, so the whole 8 lines of the chrous (middle) are over in like 15-20 seconds. That part is just meant to be catchy.

Quote by i_got_novacain
Overall its good,just change the chorus around I think.Other than that I like


Crit mine if you can


Thanks, it's kind of supposed to be a little repetitive, because the song is really fast, so all the parts are short.

BTW, I already did yours

Quote by jajp001
Cheers for the crit on mine. I like this one, it really gets across the message that it's meant to get. I can't really work out what it's gonna sound like because I don't know the genre. What genre do you plan on for it? I reckon that it will sound good when it's made into a song and if you do ever record it, can you post it onto the recordings section?
Cheers,
James


Like I told gallagher2006, it's gonna be a punk song, in the vein of Radio Birdman or the Dead Boys. I'll definitely post it in the recordings section, I'll PM you when it's done if you want (it'll probably be tomorrow, since I already recorded all the other instruments).
#6
If i were you i'd delete this, read the FAQ and then repost... (you should only have the song title in the thread title, this will probably be locked)