#1
this is just a nice little pop song, about a guy who brokeup with a girl and wants them back.

oh, how i need you by my side
oh, how i need you by my side
the way you got me feelin' inside
it's a feelin' i just can't hide

all i really wanna do is love you
with all my loving so warm and true
so please wont you wait for me
and our love will forever be

yes,i wanna love you
i really,i really do now
yes i wanna love you
i really,i really do now

you had me feelin' so glad
oh, baby i need you so bad
so please wont you wait for me
and our love will forever be
Last edited by Rock'n Roll at Mar 27, 2007,
#2
It does look like a nice little pop song, the lyrics look catchy and it's definitely got all the elements of a little pop song, so if that's the style you're after, it's a good job. Well done, can you crit mine please?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=8679199#post8679199
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#4
I like it. Perfect lyrics for mid-sixties pop. The only thing that bugged me was:

all i really wanna do is love you
with all my loving so warm and true
so please want you wait for me ("won't" would work a lot better than "want")
and i'll love you as good as good can be (It's probably just that I'm a grammar Nazi, but you love someone well, not good)

Overall, nice work. Let me know if you record it.
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#6
Thanks for crit. I appreciate it. Anyways, this was a sweet little diddy. I reminded me of Beatles' songs (before drugs). While, I'm not particulary a fan of these type of lyrics, I think you pulled it off pretty well.
#8
Its pretty good. It does remind me of 60's pop but it mostly reminds me of the kinks.
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#11
Quote by Rock'n Roll
this is just a nice little pop song, about a guy who brokeup with a girl and wants them back.

oh, how i need you by my side
oh, how i need you by my side
the way you got me feelin' inside
it's a feelin' i just can't hide


you have use AAAA.these kind of rhyme schemes generally produce monotony. your lines flow well may be you can change any last wrd of any line like

try

oh, how i need you by my side
oh, how i need you by my side
the way you got me feelin' inside
it's a feelin' i just can't fight



all i really wanna do is love you
with all my loving so warm and true
so please want you wait for me
and i'll love you as good as good can be

Last line has a bit of a flow issue and tweak bolded line it doesn't make much of a sense grammatically



yes,i wanna love you
i really,i really do now
yes i wanna love you
i really,i really do now

you had me feelin' so glad
oh, baby i need you so bad
so please want you wait for me
and i'll love you as good as good can be



Some of the lines are really cliche. AS you were going for 60's vibe i think this would have done good in times of 60's
Hi
#12
alright fixed a few things,i'm leaving the aaaa thing y because its not a big deal buddy holly has a song with it,the beatles yesterday has it all the way through it,and i tweaked those two lines
#13
Quote by Rock'n Roll
alright fixed a few things,i'm leaving the aaaa thing y because its not a big deal buddy holly has a song with it,the beatles yesterday has it all the way through it,and i tweaked those two lines



Dude it's your song it's up to you how you want to keep it.i just said what i felt.remember it's a constructive forum we all are here to help each other
out.all the best fr future pieces
Hi
#14
Thanks for the crit on my song man... I really like this little song you have. I could definitely imagine Jim Morrison's moaning voice singing it and also, like the others, think that it sounds very much like a 60's pop song with a repetition like the Kinks. About the whole "aaaa" stuff, I really don't think that songs need to have particular rhyme schemes... and even if it does produce a monotonic sound, some of the great early singers, in my opinion, have had a monotone sound (Jim Morrison especially).

-Ben
#15
Quote by abhishek21
Dude it's your song it's up to you how you want to keep it.i just said what i felt.remember it's a constructive forum we all are here to help each other
out.all the best fr future pieces


yea i know,but does it sound better with the tweaking of those two lines
#17
hey thanks for getting mine.
didnt you have a song called forever be one time? i seem to recall that.
anyway, this is really poppy. pretty cliche. i dont know, tis good, but try to be more original.

darkangel322
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#22
ahh when i first read this I thought " some punk kid with an acoustic guitar" but the fact your going for a mid- sixties kinda thing really brightened it up. The song itself is short and sweet but nothing more than that but then again I think that was your original intent for the song. Overall this piece is what I would call "cute" Good luck on the song
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#24
Great song for the style that you wrote it for. Nice words used. Good job.
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#25
no not really good in my book but maybe it is because i hate pop but i kno it would be good as a pop song great job
#26
Theres nothing i can say that hasnt been said really, the only thing is thats its kinda sounds like a hundred songs ive heard before. Try and add something exciting and different. Its not bad tho.
#28
I bumping this merely to let you know that the crits you're leaving are not adequate for people to feel the need to crit you back, please try to put forth some more effort.
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#30
WAAAY too much forced rhyme. It's not the rhyming you need to concentrate on, it's the flow. If you have 4 stanzas all with the same rhyme it's going to get repetitive. Try changing it up, you don't have to rhyme to flow.
Last edited by Schecter1277 at Apr 10, 2007,
#31
As i read it i thought of the beatles or the beachboys... lol so i think it's pretty good. =]
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