#1
this is our pain, our passion
our call to arms
this is my heart
cut out my heart on this stage
dying to feel alive

the darkness cant stand the light
the dark is eating at me tonight
now I cant live on like this
all these people just cant see me through
now theres only one thing to do
that is, to spill my guts for you

theres nothing wrong
I said you'll have to go
you're all alone
and that is not my fault

I've been fighting this all my life
but the hemorrhage stops tonight
this song.. will stop the bleeding
as the energy shakes the floor
with these words from my heart to yours
you'll know.. that this is what we live for


theres nothing wrong
I said you'll have to go
you're all alone
and that is not my fault

this is our pain, our passion
our call to arms
this is my heart
cut out my heart on this stage
dying to feel alive


crit for crit
#2
Hey i read this awhile ago, and meant to crit. i guess i jus didnt get around to it. anyway, i really loved this. i dont know why it didnt get any crits, but... you're getting mine.
I loved the whole thing. i wouldn't change a thng.

the darkness cant stand the light
the dark is eating at me tonight

that is by far the best line. great.

cut out my heart on this stage
dying to feel alive

that also makes a great beginning and a great ending.

all of your verses flow really well. this feels really alexisonfire. im a huge fan. maybe thats why i liked it. are they your inspiration? names dont lie.


awesome

darkangel322
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#3
Quote by alexisonfire478
this is our pain, our passion
our call to arms
this is my heart
cut out my heart on this stage
dying to feel alive

Gah, I like it just not the use of heart two times in a row and, I think I have heard dying to feel alive too much, but hey its hard to be original,

the darkness cant stand the light
the dark is eating at me tonight
now I cant live on like this
all these people just cant see me through
now theres only one thing to do
that is, to spill my guts for you

not bad, maybe switch up the rhyme scheme on the last three to spice it up, but the substance is definitely there,


theres nothing wrong
I said you'll have to go
you're all alone
and that is not my fault

The vocab seems weaker here than anywhere else in the song, touch it up a bit

I've been fighting this all my life
but the hemorrhage stops tonight
this song.. will stop the bleeding
as the energy shakes the floor
with these words from my heart to yours
you'll know.. that this is what we live for


There we go, man thats some good stuff, love it, I wouldn't change a word of that

crit for crit


Very nice, just a little bit of work, but that one stanza really nailed it on the head, (eh they need a thumbs up smiley, cause you deserve one)

crit for crit:https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=8721600#post8721600
Gear:
Ibanez JS100
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