#1
I write and play Punk music, and these are some lyrics I wrote. My girlfriend said that they were pretty good, I showed her others that she said sucked(I asked for honesty), so I was wondering what you guys think of these.


"[chorus]
I let out a silent scream
Something broken inside of me
Too much pain for one life
A silent scream cuts through the night

[post chorus]
Break it, break it all down
Break it, break it all down
Break it, break it all down
Break it, break it all down

You try to modify my dreams and ambitions to fit your own narrow view
Motivation too rotten, too twisted, too black for me to see through
I keep on getting bent until there’s none of my ideals left
I start to fall apart, there’s something broken from the stress
Let me go, let them see my will to live
Let them see what they’ve done, taken everything that I can give
I can barely control the anger boiling up to be free
Crashing lows tear up what’s inside of me

[chorus]
I let out a silent scream
Something broken inside of me
Too much pain for one life
A silent scream cuts through the night

[post chorus]
Break it, break it all down
Break it, break it all down
Break it, break it all down
Break it, break it all down

And everything is telling me I’ve got to move faster
It’s a ghost chase and I don’t even know what I’m after
Fallen low among the trash, the grease and the garbage
I know what I don’t have, that’s the extent of my knowledge
Let me go, let them see my liberty
Need some time to myself, need some air to breathe
Everything I worked to make right is gone in an instant
I’m trapped in the building while you watch it crumble from a distance

[chorus]
I let out a silent scream
Something broken inside of me
Too much pain for one life
A silent scream cuts through the night

[post chorus variation]
Break, break down all the pain
Break, break down all the pain
Break, break down all the pain
Break, break down all the pain

[chorus]
I let out a silent scream
Something broken inside of me
Too much pain for one life
A silent scream cuts through the night"
#2
it sounds a little 2 emo if u ask me. other than that its pretty good. 2 thumbs up!
#4
Quote by player o slayer
silent scream is the name of a slayer song dude

I've never heard Slayer and I've never heard of that song before. I guess I can't help that I chose the same title for my song, or else i could just change my song title.
#5
You don't have to change a song title just because it's taken... especially if it's one that's as simple of a concept as this one.... you know how many bands have a song called "One"? ... so yeah dont worry about that.... and i doubt that this has any other similarities to the Slayer song anyways.

So yeah my biggest complaint is that the chorus needs a little more variation.... i know that it's common in the genre to have choruses like this... but yeah i think this one needs a bit more.... maybe even just changing one of the lines.
#6
Quote by bassbeat77
So yeah my biggest complaint is that the chorus needs a little more variation.... i know that it's common in the genre to have choruses like this... but yeah i think this one needs a bit more.... maybe even just changing one of the lines.

That's a really good idea, thanks. I was thinking of changing the riff on the last chorus, from a fast chord progression to holding the note on each chord change to give it a different sound. Yours is another good idea to consider.