zakatak9389
Deviate from the form
Join date: Mar 2007
4,100 IQ
#1
This is my newest song, and I worked damn hard on it. I tried to do more complex stuff with the other instruments, but the main focus was still the guitars . The only thing I can't decide is if I should keep the regular ending that I wrote originally, or the alternate ending I wrote recently. Please give me some feedback on this, and it's crit for crit also. Look below for the alternate ending
Attachments:
Lunar Flare.zip
Last edited by zakatak9389 at May 22, 2007,
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#3
I really liked that one... I though the whole thing kinda built up to the solo... I was gonna say I like Part V best, but god damn, that solo kicked ass. I liked both outros too, but I thought the fade out was better.
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ctb
Join date: Apr 2004
1,449 IQ
#4
Reminds me of Bed Of Razors by Children Of Bodom lol. I really like the intro though. It's really, really great. 9/10
Last edited by ctb at May 23, 2007,
revan1013
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2006
512 IQ
#5
Pretty epic, I like it a lot. The intro cannot be improved upon, it simply flows so well and with great atmosphere. The whole song is very good, and the section division is really interesting, never seen it in writing like that before. Section 7 is badass, simply badass. One of the best solos I've ever heard, it rocks seriously man. Love it. Fadeout ending with acoustic part is great.

Are you making this song for a band or for yourself? I've got one I just put as well btw, if you'd like to see it.

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=592095

Thanks dude, and I love your song.
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gonzaw
UG's Secret Agent
Join date: Mar 2007
6,087 IQ
#6
The intro acoustic sounds so great with the strings..and when the other acoustic comes it makes great harmony, and sounds cool and kind of classical..and yeah, sounds epic too.
I like how it builds up, starting soft, and then at 25 with the strummed chords and those triplets, I loved those triplets....
I think maybe you should add some fade in distortion at 32, so to make the transition better......but anyway, the disto riff sounds great too, sounds kind of clashy and noisy at times...
I liked the drum break at 41....maybe you could add some mini bass solo in there with the drums
Part 2 got pretty interesting when the second disto comes at 51, I like how you use the triplets
You know, I think this piece would be perfect if you added some awesome violin or cello or something like that in the riffs, so to make it more epic
I think the arpeggio at Section 3 could use some variation....
That backwards guitar added a nice feel to it, and so the bass before it
Part IV's riff was good, specially that 123 bar lick...maybe you could add more stuff to it, cause it gets kind of repetitive after a while....
Part V was great, loved the first guitar riff.
Part VI had a nice melody, sure it calms down the whole scene a bit, which is a good thing.
Well, I didn't quite like how at 240 it changed the rythm in a harsh way almost...although that riff was sweet
I loved bar 250-251 from the solo, that I would choose as the epic moment of it, and of course, this solo was well planed and great, perfect. I liked the tapping part too
I think 266-267 would be epic too, in fact, the whole harmony part would do.
I didn't like the outro how it changed so quickly from the solo part to that chord, it doesn't sound right to me, and I prefered the alternate one, it sounds more interesting than the first one.

Wwll, I think this got a little long, but anyway, 9.5/10, great song.
Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=591747
ch715dallat
BTBAM=Godly
Join date: Jun 2006
3,466 IQ
#7
yet again great song intro was unreal good, didn like part IV it really didnt fir the rest of the song part V was great but hard to play double string skips. lol, loved the acoustic after that tho your real talent clearly lies in your acoustic melodies the lead up to the solo also didnt realy gel with the rest of the song but the solo owned, and the acoustic after was beautiful

gutsman
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2004
285 IQ
#8
****ing epic, badass from beginning to end. sometimes it felt a little cheesy (like the piece is trying to pull of something grand too hard) but other then that amazing
zakatak9389
Deviate from the form
Join date: Mar 2007
4,100 IQ
#9
^^ Yeah, that one riff you mentioned is pretty tricky to play w/ the double string skipping, but it sounds really cool on a real guitar. I even have problems playing that one still . Thanks for all the positive feedback guys, I worked really hard on the acoustic guitar stuff, so I'm glad you guys liked it .
-Sidewinder-
Banned
Join date: Feb 2006
642 IQ
#10
Section I - Pretty simple acoustic rhythm, but it like makes me "feel" good hah, so i like it, they lead parts are great too. I like when it gets to bar 25, sounds pretty awesome
Section II - Reminds me a lot of Bed of Razors, I like it. Although it's a little repetitive, but it still does that job!
Section III - Acoustic is a little repetitive, but that's alright. I like the fade in effect too, sounds good
Section IV - Really catchy rhythm hah, I love it. Woulda been cool if you added a solo to that part though. Maybe not really a solo, but a lead part.
Section V - Sounds like Bed Of Razors again haha, but i like the harmonizing
Section VI - Reminds me of God Called In Sick Today by AFI, same basic pattern. But the harmonizing and keyboard stuff made it sound really awesome, good job with that! The other part of the section was good too, not much to criticize hah
Section VII - Pretty much a perfect build up to that solo, absolutly perfect hah
Solo - The bends in the beginning was just sexy lol. The tapping was insane hah, I'll have to try playin it when I get a chance.
Outro - I like the alternative ending a lot more than the original. Great job man

Not much I actually suggest changing, it was really awesome 9/10!
buckethead_jr
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2006
6,792 IQ
#12
Thanks for the crit on mine

I loved the acoustic intro. Loved the leads and when they are harmonised.
Nothing negative to say here except it's one of these lead parts i feel i have heard before, y'know?

Section 2 I felt was, nothing special really, you've brought up some anticipation from the acoustic intro and i felt this didn't do it's purpose.
It started to get a bit better when the lead guitar part came in though, but maybe cut down on this parts length? It seemed to me to drag on and become a bit repeatative.

Section 3 was good, really good. But maybe add variety to the acoustic guitar? Like every four bars put in something different other than the pattern in the previous ones.
Loved the idea of the swelling notes, although when it started it sounded more forced than natural. But that is because of the A# in bar 105, if that was changed to, say a C and tie it with the first two beats of the next bar it would sound better.

I absolutely love the riff in Section 4. Sounds a lot like a Megadeth riff, which is nothing but a good thing.
I would also have liked to see this part a bit longer and with some lead parts over it.

Section 5: Haha, I see a Bed of Razors influence yes?
Sounds maybe a bit too much like it. The riffs are very similar, same with the lead parts.

Section 6: If i'm being truly honest, i was disappointed. Seems you overshot a bit. IMO, it didn't really fit in well with the mood of the song, and it was too kind of, ach i don't know how to explain it.

The solo was great, though maybe cut down on bars 260-261

The Harmony = There wasn't any harmony there Great nonetheless though.

I liked the outro on the first one you posted better, more depth.


It all flowed well, but maybe got a tab predictable with an acoustic part, distortion, acoustic, distortion etc. structure? Just my opinion. And maybe bit more use of synths?(i love synths )

Excellently composed song you've got here.
lonejedio5
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2007
101 IQ
#14
Well friend, I gotta say this is another masterpiece.
The intro was great, deff. set an amazing atmosphere. Felt very much like 'Fade to black' by Metallica.
Then bar 33 comes beautifully. I gotta ask you, who is your biggest influence as far as music goes? It seems like you combine alot of amazing styles into your music that just make it great. I can deff. see the difference in the bass parts, they're alot better than in previous songs. Deff. would be fun to play.
Section VI was beautiful.
I love the part around bar 243, deff. feels very epic.
The solo at around 271 is I think the best I've heard in your songs so far.
I'm sorry if my crits dont help much, as I really dont know much about music theory at all...
But I deff. gotta keep reminding you...whenever you get a cd out, let me know, I'm deff picking it up ASAP.
Great job once again friend.
Csquared1001
UG Freak
Join date: Jul 2005
1,284 IQ
#20
I like it. Probably the best you've done. not really a fan of the style though. anyway i like the riff in section 4 the really megadeath style one. That one pwned. as far as the clean intros, I found them sub par, lacking the complexity, resolutions and voicing of the type of clean stuff i perfer. otherwise good song 9/10 for people into the genre 7.5/10 for people that aren't really into that style(me)

by now you should've noticed that are styels are completly different though imo
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ldnovelo
UG Addict
Join date: Oct 2006
1,171 IQ
#21
in the acoustic after the first hard part, you could add the variation some time before because it gets repetitive. but the acoustic after the 2nd hard part is awesome. youre great
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XxLloydxX
UG's Pro Guitarrist
Join date: Nov 2005
1,558 IQ
#22
Wow this is incredibly great, intro was awesome, i liked every section of the song, and all instruments fitted perfect into the song. The song is very epic and there is a lot of creativity involved in the song. I loved this song and i noticed you put a lot of passion into it. Now i'm ready to crit..
Section 2 is what i liked least, not syaign it ws bad as i liked it but prefered it less than any other section in the song, section 3 wass very nice but section 4 and 5 were very entertaining. The guitars in section 6 worked perfect togethor and i loved the synth and bass. Section 7 is a great change to turn the calm song into a rougher one, it worked perfgect as a bridge to the distorted guitars. The solo was amazing, a bit of sweep, tapping, harmony, legato, and alternate picking, and soul, it hadf everything. Very well done. Then for the ending, i definetly prefer the alternate ending. I think it suits a better ending, for the song. The guitars were extremely well done as for the bass. The drums worked perfectly for the song as well as the synths.
Definetly an awesome song, you put inb a lot of imagination and creativity in your work. Every instrument you added played an awesome role in the song.
9/10 I'd definetly love to hear this song recorded
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DarkSonata
Registered User
Join date: May 2005
1,161 IQ
#23
This was pretty awesome man, you and I have simialar writing styles so I definitely dug this a lot. I love the whole tone changes throughout the song, its like a story or something. I am a fan of the whole electric and clean sounds alternating parts, very good. I think this is the first thing Ive listened to from you and I like it a lot. I'll give it a 9.5/10...just because nothing is perfect.

Crit one(or both) of my newest if you would...in the sig...Silent Escape or Vargtimmen
NovemberRain273
I don't like Guns n Roses
Join date: Oct 2005
5,451 IQ
#25
Section 1 is very in flames like. I love the harmonizing and the strings. And it's very powerful when the distortion comes in later.

Section 2 is extremely Children of Bodom like. I like the riffs alot, though they're repeated a bit much.

Section 3 was a cool little thing that reminded me of Opeth. Maybe a little variation on the acoustic bit would have been cool.

Section 4 is awesome, very old metal like.

Section 5 is great as well, very epic. Great lead riffs, great harmonizing. Damn, you're good at this! :p

Section 6 was a little more disappointing, cool riff but it doesnt really have that hook the rest of the song does. At bar 196 it gets it back though, very nice from then on.

Ahh another opeth type thing at Section 7, awesome riffs.

Excellent solo, not too long and not too short, good phrasing, awesome licks. Good harmonizing bit after as well.

Outro was very suiting, a great end to a great song.

Well i really enjoyed this, it's an amazing song, makes me feel like writing something like this again. 9.5/10. Excellent work dude
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Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#27
after listening again.... Holy crap. Awesome...

Part 3 reminds me of the repeated arpeggio in Under the Weeping Moon
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It's like Fenriz and J. Read

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9_11_4
Neuf Onze Quatre
Join date: Mar 2006
589 IQ
#28
Very very nice.. definately my kind of music.. would love some vocals or something with it though.. I love how it changes and all the different sections.. sorry i can't be more consttructive i must be the only person on ug with gp4 . amazing work you are a legend..
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bradman2k6
Professional High Fiver
Join date: Jun 2006
188 IQ
#30
I like this a lot, man. Love that acoustic intro, I'm like you with harmonies on stuff like that--big sucker, haha. Pretty much everything up until Section 3 is perfect the way it is. I think maybe shorten that acoustic part a little and bring in the other guitars sooner. That last lick in the little guitar solo sounded kind of weird to me--could be the midi, but it just sounded odd.
I like the part after that though--the little bluesy lick was pretty sweet. The transition from Section 4 to 5 sound a bit rough to me though. It almost works perfectly, but I think it just need like one note changed or something.
Section 5 is sweet though. I like how you got the strings going in the background.
6 is good too--not quite as good as the other sections, but still different and solid. The last half of it is tight though, starting in bar 196. That part is really good. The drums coming in later really adds a lot. The part is simple but it just gets it going like crazy.
I like how Section 7 flows into the distortion. Maybe have it fade in a little more though.
That solo is pretty banging too. I think it would be cool if you had the strings maybe double some of the faster licks, just to give it a little more kick. It's good though how it is.
And I definitely am going to have to say go with the first outro. The second one is good, but the slower feel of the first fits the song better. If you could find a place in the song to put that second outro--somewhere in the middle--it would be cool, but it doesn't work as well at the end. I do like the sound of that part though.

Overall, hot stuff. Keep it up.
Thanks for the crits on mine, too. Check out my new one if you like.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=608514
TriviumRamazing
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2006
236 IQ
#31
the intro soudns AMAZING dude! ****
the rest rocks too
i wasnt sure when it went to the triplet based riff but that was done really well too!
haha im guna go out on a limb an asume your abit of a in flames fan?! lol
anyway thats some great **** (Y)
9/10 defoo
where do you live? i love your style (its alot like mine )
Fettot
UG's Midi Click
Join date: Mar 2007
260 IQ
#33
I like the acoustic parts a lot, but i think section 6 gets a bit repetitive after a while.

I really like the sound of part 2 not much to do there...

Section 3 is a great, i like the break...

Section 4 sounds good, but i think that the fast part would sound better if you use it more rarely.

Section 5 nothing can be improved here : )

Section 6 builds nicely up to the solo...

the solo is kickass

nothing to say on the outro either

check my song? ( i know how much it sucks but i would like to see if any help would make it a little bit better )

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=609557
duncang
Popular British sitcom
Join date: Sep 2005
4,351 IQ
#35
Section I was ridiculously good. Absolutely nothing wrong with it, amazing harmonies.

Section II was flawless too, if a little repetitive, drums are a bit crowded though.

I don't like the fading in guitar in Section III, it'd sound fine on a proper guitar, but don't do it on every note, it sounds messy. Since there wasn't much to it aside from that, good job here.

Section IV was very good, really liked that little bluesy minor lick.

Section V was EPIC. Love the guitar work, and the strings give it that little bit more depth.

The beginning of section VI wasn't that great but it picked up, lots of atmosphere, though it's pretty repetitive for a while (until the guitar harmonies come in, which were fantastic).

Section VII seemed a bit out of place, the intro and the rest didn't fit (and neither really fitted with the rest of the song). It was great but didn't really work in this song's context. DEFINITELY keep it for something else though.

The harmony and outro were fantastic. ****ing brilliant, seriously.

All in all that was probably the best song I've seen posted on here (though I haven't actually seen an awful lot). Very professionally done with no errors to speak of. Only thing I'd say is get rid of Section VII, and replace it with something more fitting for the rest of the song.

EDIT: Keep the original ending. Alternate one is nice but again it kind of doesn't fit.
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Last edited by duncang at Jun 21, 2007,