Nunwhxre 666
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Join date: Aug 2006
1,430 IQ
#1
Well, I've been having like...a MASSIVE case of writer's block lately. Everything I've written has come out ****ty, but I've finally come up with something that I don't think is half bad.

For this peice I've taken a lighter, more mellow approach. I kinda like what I have so far, but seeing as everything I've written in the past few weeks has sucked, I just want to get some crits and suggestions for this.

Crit for crit as always.

:EDIT: Scroll down for finished project.
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Last edited by Nunwhxre 666 at Jun 4, 2007,
Nunwhxre 666
You have ****ed up now!
Join date: Aug 2006
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#2
Almost 30 views and not one reply?
Quote by 1201ZJ
Well this calls for a beer, Uncle-Dad Cletus!

Quote by EchoxOath
HAAAAA! Jokes on you! I high fived you with the hand i fapped with!
YourMessiah666
Registered Loser
Join date: Feb 2007
1,211 IQ
#3
That was amazing!!!!!!!!1!!!
Absolutely amazing. I can see nothing wrong with it.
Nunwhxre 666
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Join date: Aug 2006
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#4
Thanks alot bro.
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Nunwhxre 666
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Join date: Aug 2006
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#5
Well, as of right now this is the finished result. Crits and suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Crit for crit.
Attachments:
New Mellow.zip
Quote by 1201ZJ
Well this calls for a beer, Uncle-Dad Cletus!

Quote by EchoxOath
HAAAAA! Jokes on you! I high fived you with the hand i fapped with!
Captian Xero
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Join date: Apr 2006
343 IQ
#6
Thanks for the crit man...

and as for this:

The Intro is great.... I dig the variation of instruments...
The arpeggiated part is awesome
The solo fits really well... Not flashy but it sounds like it fits.

I dig.
ECistheBest
Makes Pedals for YOU!
Join date: Jul 2006
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#7
sounds really really happy kinda music... i thought it was gonna be more like david gilmour kinda stuff after i heard the intro but its cool. maybe take a kind of sad approach in the beginning and build up? u know? iono if u'll like it but change the Cmaj in the intro to like... hmmm... im not sure... but i'm kinda stuck at the C in the intro.
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#8
i think a song like this needs a lot
of dynamic shifts, changes in tone,
and different rhythms, otherwise
it ends up being a bit uninteresting.

you don't really have any of the three,
and i think that somewhat detracts
from the piece. BUT. it WAS nice.

it just could have been a tad more interesting.

I just want to sleep forever.


ECistheBest
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#9
he didn't add vocals yet tho. he might be a brilliant mind with a taste of david gilmour kind of vocals??? that would kick ass in this song.

another note: the solo's kinda boring, and i want it to be improvised lol.
im not saying its bad, but i think just tabbing w/e solo on tab is hard. i've tried. got four bars. quit, and put in text: "20 bars of improv guitar solo"
that goes for every song i've written lol
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9_11_4
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Join date: Mar 2006
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#10
I like the idea you got going on here.. Maybe some background chords or something.. Volume swithches.. Vocals would be good i think.. Female ones... You've got some great harmonies in there it sounds like angels. I like the idea of improv solos, but don't go nuts, stay sublte or you'll wreck it.. Overall a very pleasant listen good job
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ECistheBest
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#11
Quote by 9_11_4
I like the idea you got going on here.. Maybe some background chords or something.. Volume swithches.. Vocals would be good i think.. Female ones... You've got some great harmonies in there it sounds like angels. I like the idea of improv solos, but don't go nuts, stay sublte or you'll wreck it.. Overall a very pleasant listen good job



lol yea hahaha please stay subtle. not jimmy page or hendrix kinda improv. but softer ones like david gilmour. sorry about so much comments involving gilmour... i'm just totally in a Floyd/Gilmour mood... and i think On an Island is just the greatest chill song ever righ tnow lol. sorry
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Nunwhxre 666
You have ****ed up now!
Join date: Aug 2006
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#12
maybe take a kind of sad approach in the beginning and build up?

I didn't want it to be a sad peice.

i think a song like this needs a lot
of dynamic shifts, changes in tone,
and different rhythms, otherwise
it ends up being a bit uninteresting.

Well, seeing as I'm just coming out of a massive writer's block, doing all that could have a tendancy to be extremely hard, but I do see where you're coming from.

he didn't add vocals yet tho. he might be a brilliant mind with a taste of david gilmour kind of vocals??? that would kick ass in this song.

another note: the solo's kinda boring, and i want it to be improvised lol

I was thinking about fixing the solo, making it a little longer, but I didn't want it to be a SOLO as much as I want it to just be a melody type thing. I don't think a solo would fit too well, but that's just me.

Vocals would be good i think.. Female ones...

You're spot on with what I see in my head.


Anyway, thanks a bunch for all the crits guys. I really appreciate all your feedback.
Quote by 1201ZJ
Well this calls for a beer, Uncle-Dad Cletus!

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HAAAAA! Jokes on you! I high fived you with the hand i fapped with!
Bodomizer
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2006
244 IQ
#14
that was pretty good man. im not a huge fan of that soft happy stuff, but this was good. I think that chord progression you used for the first minute got kind of boring honestly. And that music box over top got a little too repititious in my opinion. I did like the solos, they felt like they fit the song nicely. Nice variation as well. Sorry for the negatives, but i know that i like to see things i can improve on. Crit mine please? its in my sig.
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gonzaw
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Join date: Mar 2007
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#15
I really liked the intro.......and so the chois aahs.
I think it got kind of repetitive after adding each instrument like every 15 seconds......anyway.
I liked bar 7....with the music box and that guitar chord was sweet.
I liked the other guitar but I don't think the volumes are well distributed.....I think even the music box was louder than the guitar (well....my point is that the guitar needs more volume.)

At 17 it sounded great.....very good harmony and guitar work too.
The solo was good....kind of a background,.....but most of it was nice and sounded good, I really liked the music box
I think you should end it maybe with the melody from the beggining fading out or something.....

Maybe you should call Gilmour to help you with the solo

Crit mine? (in sig....one of the last 3 if you can )
Williamn
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2007
109 IQ
#17
Hey first off, great compossed song.

at first I dident really like the intro.. but when the musicbox sound entered I kinda digged it heh .. I love the chorus, sounds really pretty and happy !

the "solo" is also very nice, fits very good ... secound verse with the lead guitar is also nice..

overall I would love to hear it with real instruments and maybe some nice vocals.. Don't really got anything bad to say you can work on, sorry
recondite11
Banned
Join date: Jul 2007
232 IQ
#18
Fun song,

I actually wrote such keyboard parts too 2 months ago. Maybe band thought it sounded too happy

keep on making such a music!
Magero
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Join date: May 2006
4,528 IQ
#19
Not bad dude. It's very plesant. Would be suited for a video game quite easily, which is always cool.
Got a bit repeatitive, but, I mean, it was relaxing enough that you wouldn't care that much when you're listening to it properly.
lukephillips000
Pokemon Master
Join date: Oct 2006
421 IQ
#20
Erm, i'm kind of stuck for words again, you are a very good songwriter! This is a very mellow piece (aptly named) and is probably the kind of song that I would put on in the background and not really listen intently to, but I really would not change anything in the song. Perfect again.