#1
This is just a small poem I wrote a while ago, would appreciate to know what you guys think. C4C as always


She wove her heartstrings to a dress,
And though she looked a picture,
She always thought she looked a mess,
But I replied and kissed her,
"In days of sun, and winter nights,
And under stars and stratus,
You'll always look the same to I,
The locket where my heart is"


Cheers

Ray
#2
Quote by Raydey
This is just a small poem I wrote a while ago, would appreciate to know what you guys think. C4C as always


She wove her heartstrings to a dress,
And though she looked a picture,
She always thought she looked a mess,

this is a pretty solid start. i like the use of heartstrings and the flow of this was perfect.

But I replied and kissed her,
"In days of sun, and winter nights,
And under stars and stratus,
You'll always look the same to I,
The locket where my heart is"

hm. im kind of torn on this. it is nothing amazing but it still has plenty of straight forward emotion to make up for it. the last line to me is a little cliche but you make it work.



Cheers

Ray


overall there isnt much to crit since its such a short piece but i would definitely say its pretty solid as it is. there definitely is room for improvement, but with or without it is fine.
#4
Aye, rushmore's right; there's not much to say here other than a very pretty little ode to a special someone. It's dripping with good old-fashioned romance; even within a small piece of poetry, you've managed to paint a canvas, just for two.