#1
Just a little song like poem I wrote of my childhood.

Do you remember how our smiles used to glow?
Do you remember how which way the wind would blow?
Do you remember how we would try to climb the trees,
and do you remember how we would run from the bees?

Do you remember walkin' down the street?
Do you remember getting' ice-cream to eat?
Do you remember sittin' in the shade,
waitin for the sun to get outta our way.

It seems it was all so long ago,it really makes you feel like were getting old.
We used to have so much fun, from the morning sun, till the day was done.
And we would sit alone, just me and you, in the sand with nothing to do.
We didn't have a care in the world, we didn't need to, just me and you.

Do you remember how the dinners smelled?
Do you remember how those summer's felt?
Do you remember why we had to leave,
Do you remember the pictures at the family tree?


Do you remember the night hay rides?
Do you remember it was to dark so we would cry?
Do you remember how long ago?
Do you know why we had to go?

Do you remember wakin up late?
Do you remember walkin over to the park to play?
Do you remember we would ride our bikes, until it hit dawn,
then we just lay in the lawn.

It seems it was all so long ago,it really makes you feel like were getting old.
We used to have so much fun, from the morning sun, till the day was done.
And we would sit alone, just me and you, in the sand with nothing to do.
We didn't have a care in the world, we didn't need to, just me and you.

Do you remember lookin at the stars?
Do you remember how bright they are?
Do you remember the pictures they made,
oh how I wish we could have stayed.
#2
nice... i liked it... it just seemed to drag on a bit w/ the "do u remember"s... but it was still pritty good..

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#3
the do you remembers got a little too repetitive after a while. a suggestion for that would be to elaborate on the do you remember line. like the first line "Do you remember how our smiles used to glow?" say something about that in a line or take up the four line phrase telling about that. "Do you remember sittin' in the shade,
waitin for the sun to get outta our way." is a good example of that. the chorus has good flow with rhyming within rhyming lines.
basically, elaborate (take out some do you remembers), but keep the chorus. if you could add a bridge on one topic that would be cool. crit. Untitled, Acoustic. (if theres more than one look for b_c_l)
#4
Do you remember how our smiles used to glow?
Do you remember how which way the wind would blow?
Do you remember how we would try to climb the trees,
and do you remember how we would run from the bees?

this is good the do you remember gets old pretty fast you could jsut cut it out of pretty much the first three lines

Do you remember walkin' down the street?
Do you remember getting' ice-cream to eat?
Do you remember sittin' in the shade,
waitin for the sun to get outta our way.

ok... uhh yea lay off the do you remember i think it would sound good if you just cut that out and keep it in the first line here

It seems it was all so long ago,it really makes you feel like were getting old.
We used to have so much fun, from the morning sun, till the day was done.
And we would sit alone, just me and you, in the sand with nothing to do.
We didn't have a care in the world, we didn't need to, just me and you.

wow ok i really like th flow here on the first 2 lines the last two are just as good i like it sounds like the best stanza i've read so far

Do you remember how the dinners smelled?
Do you remember how those summer's felt?
Do you remember why we had to leave,
Do you remember the pictures at the family tree?

mm this could probably be cut out.. but if you keep it dont get rid of the do you remember it just sounds and flows better with it though it is repetetive

Do you remember the night hay rides?
Do you remember it was to dark so we would cry?
Do you remember how long ago?
Do you know why we had to go?

ok i like it you could probably cut out the do you remember int he second and third line and it is good to go

Do you remember wakin up late?
Do you remember walkin over to the park to play?
Do you remember we would ride our bikes, until it hit dawn,
then we just lay in the lawn.

you could take out do you remember in the second line and the third line i really like the ryhme in the third and fourth line

It seems it was all so long ago,it really makes you feel like were getting old.
We used to have so much fun, from the morning sun, till the day was done.
And we would sit alone, just me and you, in the sand with nothing to do.
We didn't have a care in the world, we didn't need to, just me and you.

repeat

Do you remember lookin at the stars?
Do you remember how bright they are?
Do you remember the pictures they made,
oh how I wish we could have stayed.

nice ok i really like the first two just how they are. the third line you should cut out the do you remember it would just flow better because the fourth line doesnt have it so it would match or you could just make the third and fourth lines a while another stanza. this is a great closing by the way

over all good job umm you need to work on not being so repetitive with the do you remember. gets annoying after a while i must say. er.. could you crit mine? its in da sig
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
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(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
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#5
thats a reely ne peice of writing there, lots of memories and emotion, if you can take something from that and feel things that is pure gold, nice job! crit mine? Watching the River Rise
#6
good song. i agree with the other guys the "Do you remember"s got a little repetitive but it is good

~Carrik~
#7
Take the first line of all of them with the "Do you remember....?" and for the next three lines describe it in beautiful detail, I think you can do it. This would take away the boring aspect and will also strengthen the piece on whole.