#1
wrote this in 10 minutes to stop myself from spending hours trying to perfect one line.

Belonging to this world isn't enough
Too much time, it's gonna have to get tough
A sense of reality is a bliss to this life
A scrap of hope is all what's needed to go

So i'm gonna leave home
To see what's on offer
Time awaits for me
To see what i'm after

Another time is too much of an excuse
this rope tying me has got to become loose
I'm sorry that i'm not gonna be around
But you were always much better as a dream

So i'm gonna leave home
To see what's on offer
Time awaits for me
To see what i'm after
That's what she said
Last edited by nicodimus at Jun 19, 2007,
#2
ok ur work paid off but there's still room for improvement. i might go in to details later but sometimes i really feel this way.
#3
Belonging to this world isn't enough
Too much time, it's gonna have to get tough
A sense of reality is a bliss to this life
A dash of hope is all what's needed to get going
- I think the word "flash" would be a good alternative (if not better) than "dash." To me that would make more sense as the song is about daring to take chances and doing new things. Flash would be like an indication of how the hope of doing something comes to you. L1 and L2 look great together so I wouldn't change anything there. Not to sure about L3, I think it's kinda misplaced and breaks the flow.

So i'm gonna leave home
To see what's on offer
I've gotta leave home
To see what i'm after
- Simple and clean. A great way to continue what has been told in the verse.

Another time is too much of an excuse
this rope tying me has got to become loose
I'm sorry that i'm not gonna be around
But you were always much better as a dream
- Once again the two first lines nearly perfects each other. The last lines are excellent though. Love how you make this verse flow like that.

So i'm gonna leave home
To see what's on offer
I've gotta leave home
To see what i'm after

Great lyrics, do you have a name for it? Escaping, realisation and waking up are words that pop up in my head from reading this. Crit mine if you want to.
#5
cheers for the comments lads, yeah i'll work on tweaking it to make it flow better. It's just a refreshing feel for me to write something in 10 moins or so and not bother about whether it'll look good or not.
That's what she said