#1
please criticize. i want feedback, good or bad.

Tragedy at best

Its not what i've expected,
but i've been wrong before.
i should have seen it coming when just towards the end
you wanted more
its not that i dont trust you ( but sometimes...)
you and i. how could you be so stupid?
how could i be so god-damn blind?

your blurry eyes dont mean a thing to me anymore
and all thats left is what it used to be
so dont.

afraid of your excuses, you swore this was the end
they just kept on coming, (kept on coming)
until i could not defend from all the hateful words you spoke
(but i know you didnt mean). why didnt i see this coming?
why did i fall into this lucid dream?

you'll never turn back time. too late, you crossed the line.
you'll never let go of what you should leave behind.
prisoner of yourself. those scars across your chest,
i've got no sympathy. this is a tragedy at best.
Quote by pengiunman
Hahaha you crack me up swansareroadkil.

:can't think of a smiley to put, your too cool:
#2
sounds good, way better than i could do but that's not saying much. that's probably gonna sound good with music......
#3
Hmm... Sounds pretty good...

Its not what i've expected,
but i've been wrong before.
i should have seen it coming when just towards the end
you wanted more

Maybe changed that to something more flowing... Like
I should have seen it coming, When in the end you wanted more.
its not that i dont trust you ( but sometimes...)
you and i. how could you be so stupid?

The you and I and then just calling "you" so stupid... Don't agree with each other well...
how could i be so god-**** blind?

Instead of using god as a prefix... just keep use damn and it sounds a bit better, flows a bit better too. If you totally took out "damn" it would sound better.
How could I be so blind.

your blurry eyes dont mean a thing to me anymore

Maybe take that out? Makes it sound a bit better in my thinking but I'd have to here the song to know perfectly on that
and all thats left is what it used to be
Good...
so dont.
Huh?... I don't get that part... two words randomly put into a flowing song :S

afraid of your excuses, you swore this was the end
they just kept on coming, (kept on coming)
until i could not defend from all the hateful words you spoke
(but i know you didnt mean). why didnt i see this coming?
why did i fall into this lucid dream?

Exellent section... my favorite part... Everything seems to flow quite correctly

you'll never turn back time. too late, you crossed the line.
Good... maybe use "in"... You'll never turn back in time.. I don't know if you intended it to say that you can't turn back time...
you'll never let go of what you should leave behind.
Consider using this...
you'll never let go of what you should have left behind.
prisoner of yourself, those scars across your chest,
i've got no sympathy. this is a tragedy at best.

Great flow and explains the name of the song... Nice work...


Over all it was pretty good...
4/5
~Tyler
#4
excellent title and ending btw. Couple parts had some flow problems, but that could just have been how you split up the lines.

"your blurry eyes dont mean a thing to me"

^awesome line, and clever take on a pretty overdone idea. Best of the piece by far, sans the title.
LISTEN:
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LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5