#1
I present a new song by me, performed as of yesterday for the first time to strangers...

Sometimes we can move so fast, even when life is slow
If there is something on your mind, tell me and let me know
My hearts on my sleeve but I can't beleive that we move so fast
One Thing I'm Knowing is going and flowing, so let this moment last
For a while

Scared awake into this world as someones phone went off
I dry my eyes and feel like ****, and then I start to cough
My memories are coming back especially the one
Something of importance but I don't remember what
For a while


I want to know
do you feel the same rythm too
but I already know,
cuz you're the one that's among few

Dry your eyes and look at me and tell me it's alright
I've looked for you, one among few, dancing through the night
I know that baby, we can be crazy, party lovin fools
But we can be lazy, chillen just maybe that would be cool too
For a while

The speed of time has changed its wind, reversal direction of flow
what was found was so profound, didn;t know it was possible
My reflection, introspection, ripples constantly
surfing through these rippled blues, have taken hold of me
for a while

Chorus
Last edited by MistaRecta at Jun 17, 2007,
#2
Pretty good overall, I might be reading it wrong, but I have a few flow problems. In particular, this verse seemed kinda rough to me.

I want to know
do you feel the same rythm too
but I already know,
cuz you're the one that's among few

I'm just having a little bit of a tough time with that bit. You might want to smooth it out a little. Other than flow, I think its nice. I like your word usage.
#3
I like. The writing was very fresh and makes you think as you read which I hope translates into makeing us feel while you sing. Good Job.