#1
So, last year, during the same time I went on a month break from UG in order to travel to Turkey and Italy. This year I have the same fortune to travel to China for a month. Last time I wrote a Goodbye Poem when I was in a drunken state and posted it. Suffice to say, that piece was very raw and very true to what I was feeling at the time. Now, this past week I went on a rafting trip with some friends and I wrote this piece while the sun was setting, on a hill overlooking the world as I see it now. I believe this piece somewhat reflects the hope I have, or at least the calmness I felt, sitting there, almost comfortably careless. See you in a month UG, and hopefully then I will return as a regular in S&L, and help out much much more than I have in the last six months. Much love to everyone here who works their asses off, both the great (like Matt and Randy and Steve and Carmel) and the not so great (like some others). well... Peace!



A Poem Written Closer to the Sky

Dear reader,
I’m closer to the sky, literally,
On a map of topography I am nearing the most rough and bumpy.
I’m torn between staying this high or going back to her room,
Which smells like lilacs, ambrosia, and sapphire.
Here, up high, I can see the river and hear that one rapid
I heard someone died at last week.
It has a strong heartbeat to make up for the ones that it has taken.
Here, I can recognize every wicked lash of grass and wind,
Every whip.

It sounds like the crickets are summoning the dead again.
Good for them. Crickets can’t die.
It’s their nature to live forever
So that every memory can be carried through their sounds.
Real darkness is calmer than the noise of florescents shutting off
And resonating. Someone told me yesterday that darkness is darkness but,
That’s just not true.
Dimly lit bedrooms are sad and strive to terrify, and they work.
Stars strive to calm, and they also work.
There’s a large space of darkness in between.
Cricket. Cricket.

Fantasy is a lovely thing.
I’ve read books on why it is lovely and I’ve
Kissed a girl who has explained to me why it is lovely.
But no one has ever gotten to the heart of fantasy.
Fantasy is sitting on top of a rock,
So far detached from the bushes so far beneath
That each one of their shadows is a memory.
Fantasy is knowing that rock so well
That you know that rattlesnakes live there, pulsing in the cracks
But also know they will not betray your
Belief in their power. I trust that rattlesnakes will always kill. It’s their nature.
Fantasy is the crickets. The crickets get eaten by the birds,
In order to fly.

When I was ten I dreamt of
Holding hands with a girl, whispering
Something into her ear, and landing us safely in her bedroom.
I would never say that I am fulfilled.
But I know this rock, so high above the river.
And I can hear
When the bush shadows
Chirp.
Because that’s when I start moaning along.

I’m not too close to the sky,
Just close enough
To say that I love this
And say I love a girl
And fantasize about the same thing
I dreamt when I was ten.
But this time,
I dream from the experience resonating in the sound of an army.
Of Crickets. Resurrecting long lost flights of the imagination.

I stand up suddenly on
A cool rock, realizing how claustrophobic some might be
Under a comforter of darkness.
I’m Calm. And I might change my name to that if this feeling stays.
And maybe I need to realize that if I do love someone
They are with me, when I flutter
In the darkness, in the lilac,
In the river, in the shadows.
And maybe I need to realize that if I do love someone
They are with me
Every time I hear the crickets
Stirring up a stronger heartbeat;
Who are just raising the dead. Nothing more, nothing less.
Just being natural.
And I believe that—

The lashes of grass and wind bear witness.
We make meaning but the crickets remind us.
With a steady chirp
And an echoed moan—
They’re stirring the departed.
They’re creating fantasy.
Fantasy is beauty.
Shadows are beautiful.
And Shadows can fly,
When the sun pours down over me
Body soaring into the sky.
Directly into the sky.

Because I believe.
In crickets.

Dear reader,
Life is more like a hymn then we give it credit for isn't it?
#2

A Poem Written Closer to the Sky
Dear reader,
I’m closer to the sky, literally,
On a map of topography I am nearing the most rough and bumpy.
I’m torn between staying this high or going back to her room,
Which smells like lilacs, ambrosia, and sapphire.-Saphires can smell?
Here, up high, I can see the river and hear that one rapid
I heard someone died there last week.--this line here doesn't make sense at first
It has a strong heartbeat to make up for the ones that it has taken.
Here, I can recognize every wicked lash of grass and wind,
Every whip.
This is a great stanza, no flaws that I can see except for those lines

It sounds like the crickets are summoning the dead again.
Good for them. Crickets can’t die.
It’s their nature to live forever
So that every memory can be carried through their sounds.
Real darkness is calmer than the noise of florescents shutting off
And resonating. Someone told me yesterday that darkness is darkness but,
That’s just not true.
Dimly lit bedrooms are sad and strive to terrify, and they work.
Stars strive to calm, and they also work.
There’s a large space of darkness in between.
Cricket. Cricket.
Everything is great here, but one thing that confuses me. Is the last line meant to be an onomatopeya or are you actually saying cricket(im not sure i you understood that)? If it's an onomatopeya it's good, if not, well it doesn't make sense to me

Fantasy is a lovely thing.
I’ve read books on why it is lovely and I’ve
Kissed a girl who has explained to me why it is lovely.
But no one has ever gotten to the heart of fantasy.
Fantasy is sitting on top of a rock,
So far detached from the bushes so far beneath
That each one of their shadows is a memory.
Fantasy is knowing that rock so well
That you know that rattlesnakes live there, pulsing in the cracks
But also know they will not betray your
Belief in their power. I trust that rattlesnakes will always kill. It’s their nature.
Fantasy is the crickets. The crickets get eaten by the birds,
In order to fly.
Great, no flaws

When I was ten I dreamt of
Holding hands with a girl, whispering
Something into her ear, and landing us safely in her bedroom.
I would never say that I am fulfilled.
But I know this rock, so high above the river.

And I can hear
When the bush shadows
Chirp.---great I love the way you did this
Because that’s when I start moaning along.
This stanza is great except for those two lines that don't make sense

I’m not too close to the sky,
Just close enough
To say that I love this
And say I love a girl
And fantasize about the same thing
I dreamt when I was ten.
But this time,
I dream from the experience resonating in the sound of an army.
Of Crickets. Resurrecting long lost flights of the imagination.
Brilliant, bolded line is beautiful

I stand up suddenly on
A cool rock, realizing how claustrophobic some might be
Under a comforter of darkness. comforter seems out of place
I’m Calm. And I might change my name to that if this feeling stays.
And maybe I need to realize that if I do love someone
They are with me, when I flutter--are you a butterfly?
In the darkness, in the lilac,
In the river, in the shadows.
And maybe I need to realize that if I do love someone
They are with me
Every time I hear the crickets
Stirring up a stronger heartbeat;
Who are just raising the dead. Nothing more, nothing less.
Just being natural.
And I believe that
Ace

The lashes of grass and wind bear witness.
We make meaning but the crickets remind us.
With a steady chirp
And an echoed moan—
They’re stirring the departed.
They’re creating fantasy.
Fantasy is beauty.
Shadows are beautiful.
And Shadows can fly,
When the sun pours down over me
Body soaring into the sky.
Directly into the sky.
Beautiful, last to lines are ace.

Because I believe.
In crickets.

Dear reader,
Life is more like a hymn then we give it credit for isn't it?

Ok this was an awesome piece, the best I have read for a while. The imagery was beatiful, so was the flow...everything was perfect.
#3
Aww man. I read this thinking "goodbye poem" was just part of the title. And I was hoping for more.

Sigh.

Have a great time, you deserve it for writing stuff like this .
Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you


Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do
#4
That last line I think needs to be re-worded or some punctuation or something, it read awkwardly for me.

Other than that, and because this is long and I'm lazy, there was nothing I really felt I had to bring to your attention that I disliked. I think there's some cliche wishy-washy lines in there, I think you maybe got too hung up on the crickets just a little too much and I'm still not a fan of lines like "Because I believe. In crickets. ", unless there's is an actual reason for it then I say why bother, imo it just seemed pretentious unless there's a real reason. By all means have a line break but the full stop meh, doesn't need to be there. There's a couple of lines like that and I know it's your style but it's not mine

But I liked the ideas, feelings and general life-realisation tone (though again, possibly bordering on pretension) and on the whole it was a good read.

Have fun Dylan
#6
but you just got back from canyoneering in Utah!


Well, have fun on the trip.

I really enjoyed reading this. There was nothing to complain about and you really got the feeling across to me. Great emotion in there.

Peace
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#7
thanks youz guys, I leave in a couple hours so this is my last post for a while. And yea, I've been just back from canyoneering in Utah for at least 7 months now .

Seriously. Thank you.

-Peace.
#8
Your leaving on a high note, thats for sure.


I think your leaving just cuz I came back today.
Promises meant a lot back then.
#9
Flat out amazing.
You have a great way of makeing your metephors stick out and really amaze the reader.
Everything about this was perfect, flow/imagination/wording, al flawless.
Overall i love this peace and i really do envy your talent.
Enjoy your trip, and when you get back and if you have some time feel free to crit some of my stuff im in need of some crit. Thanks:

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ad.php?t=604975
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ad.php?t=609187
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ad.php?t=604981