#1
I saw this somewhere else, i figured id share


I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in Fran ce , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead the dough basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.
And what is more, there's been a bloody purple nose and some bloody purple clothes that were messing up the lobby floor. It's just apartment house rules so all you 'partment fools remember : one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
#2
I bet Sir Cumference ate loads of Pi

...
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yo tambien
What the hell's a tambien?
Quote by Oblivion_Rps
its like basic math. 1 + -1 = 1
#5
thanks, i'm going to be able to use this in my work, i'm an english tutor.
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#8
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.


i laughed hard at that one
#9
Quote by wannabe jesus
I bet Sir Cumference ate loads of Pi


#10
teeehee you made me giggle
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#11
Originally Posted by wannabe jesus
I bet Sir Cumference ate loads of Pi

...



Hahaha hey it was a good shot, I laughed.
Too much math...glad I'm done with all that now.
Oh no he just divided by zero again...*gets sucked into vortex*

Originally Posted by Sirwinston89
whoa man this is turning into the Dream Theater appreciation thread!!! If only every thread kicked this much ass!


You're welcome
#12
Quote by Mister.Y


The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.


A plateau is a high form of flattery.



Those were the best two, I actually lol'd.
#13
Quote by wannabe jesus
I bet Sir Cumference ate loads of Pi



Those are pretty good.
WATCH THIS

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does anybody have a sitar?
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you have to buy them from george harrison. He owns all of them
#16
Aren't they all known as puns? The Sir Cumference one was the sh!t.
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^^
#17
I love how responsive the Pit is being to puns. I thought for sure everyone would be like "GTFO IDIOT."


Quote by frankv
Some of those are great, like "Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest." for the thought of a 3-year-old being beat up by cops with sticks.



The setup: http://www.explosm.net/movies/118/

And the delivery: http://www.explosm.net/movies/129/
Gunpowder: FUCKING ROCKS!!!
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[witty set-up]
Gunpowder FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!

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Gunpowder you fucking rock!!

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Now I can say, with sufficient certainly, that you, Gunpowder...

FUCK ROCKS!
#19
Quote by guitartilldeath
Aren't they all known as puns? The Sir Cumference one was the sh!t.


yeah thats what they're called, puns, but thats a great list
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#21
I hope you do know that puns kill...

I mean seriously, do you find this funny?
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