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#1
whoa, i haven't been on here in ages, anyway,

Yes, if you remember there was another one of these,
but since i don't know what the hell happened to it i'm just gonna make a new one.


If you didn't see the last one, this thread is for jokes that only people who understand good music or play instruments, etc, would get,

An example (sorry, i don't remember the name of whoever posted this):

I broke my G string fingering A minor.

Funny right??

anyway,
let the jokes begin
#3
not rly a joke but a funny saying only musicians would get....

E=Fb

Edit: for all of you who don't get it, it's a play on the E=Mc[sqaured]
Last edited by HeavenlyVirus at Jun 21, 2007,
#4
How do you tune two Bass players?


You shoot one of them.
Listens to Jazz

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#5
Quote by HeavenlyVirus
not rly a joke but a funny saying only musicians would get....

E=Fb

GTFO
Spiral Out
#6
Quote by HeavenlyVirus
not rly a joke but a funny saying only musicians would get....

E=Fb
I'm fairly sure that in some weird keys, E would be called an Fb. Same with C and B#
#7
Quote by HeavenlyVirus
not rly a joke but a funny saying only musicians would get....

E=Fb


Hilarious...

Besides, you could probably get an Fb if you able to find quarter tones.
Proud owner of an Engl Thunder 50 Reverb and an Ibanez S470

"The end is extremely fucking nigh..."
#8
^yes thats true

C# major
Cb major

those are real keys
i have a 'white guitar'
#9
Quote by .fallen
^yes thats true

C# major
Cb major

those are real keys


Well, of course C# major is a real key.
Proud owner of an Engl Thunder 50 Reverb and an Ibanez S470

"The end is extremely fucking nigh..."
#12
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#14
A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead. I'm sorry but there's nothing we can do. "
But the kid seemed fine he just replied. "You got any sticks?"
#15
Quote by bearded_monkey
Everytime I go into the guitar shop and ask for a G-String the shopkeeper always makes that TERRIBLE joke about it not being an underwear shop

So next time I go in I'm gonna ask for a thong


Why would you specifically ask for a G string?

Call me stupid, but I get packs of strings...
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#17
Maybe he broke a new string and a whole pack wasn't justifiable? I know I've done that before, when I couldn't change strings. Pesky .09's.
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Appreciating the beauty of music so fast it blows puny mortal's faces off.
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#19
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft.

A flat minor.

I think I posted it before.
#20
Quote by Craigo
I'll tell ya a joke.

Malmsteen.

Bum dum dssshhhhh!


Not cool. Axl Rose'd be better.
"2,000,000 NPS Whores" club.
Appreciating the beauty of music so fast it blows puny mortal's faces off.
Bow down to teh Shredzor!
PM La Qotsa if you want to join. No emotion? Pah!
#23
As a special event, a school arranges a visit by a professional radio ochestra, made up of a drummer electric guitarist, electric bassist and an assortment of strings, brass and woodwind. Having finished playing a short programme of light orchestral and pop standards, the conductor invites the childern to come up onto the stage and chat with the various players. Whilst engaged in conversation with a precociuos young girl about how to become a conductor, he ears a commotion behind him, and turns around to see the bass player - obviously upset - holding a young lad by the throat.......aghast - the conductor immediately makes a move to sort the matter out, and having extricated the lad, he turns to the bassist and askes what the hell is going on?!?
The bassist - now subdued, is rather reticent, and admits to catching the lad mucking around with his equipment.
The conductor, unimpressed with this explanation, asks what on earth the lad might have been doing to provoke such a violent reaction.
Sullenly the bassist admits that the kid had been fiddling with the machine heads on his bass and utterly detuned one of the strings.
The conductor, somewhat bemused by the total over-reaction says "...well, surely you can retune before the next set...?" at which point the bassist replies: " Well, yeah - it's not that though...."
"Oh," retorts the conductor - his patience wearing thin now, " what was it then?"
"...well...." the bassist says, "...he wouldn't tell me which one!"

Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah! The second musician says "I was a jazz musician...kill me now!''

What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
One of them eventually matures and earns money.

An anthropologist decides to investigate the natives of a far-flung tropical island. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the anthropologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?"
The guide turned to him and said "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."
Then, after some hours, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the anthropologist like a ton of bricks, and he yelled at the guide: "The Drums have stopped, what happens now?"
The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, "Bass Solo".

What's the definition of an optimist?
A musician with a mortgage.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

How do you get a lead guitarist to stop playing?
Put sheet music in front of him.

Did you hear about the guitar player locked his keys in the car?
It took him half an hour to get the drummer out.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Jun 21, 2007,
#24
Quote by Smokey Amp
Hilarious...

Besides, you could probably get an Fb if you able to find quarter tones.


Fb/E#/tone between E and F, can be found as a harmonic on the G string about 3/4's along the 3rd fret.
Frank Zappa's not dead. He just smells funny.
#25
Quote by Craigo
Nah. His overall technique and speed is incredible, but his song writing abilities and attitude is a joke.


His lyrics are terrible i admit.... I would definatly not say his song writing as a whole is though.... Check out "concerto in Eb minor for electric guitar" Yngwie composed the whole thing, stuff like "Icarcus dream suite" "Guardian Angel" "Evil Eye" are all beautiful pieces of music.
Frank Zappa's not dead. He just smells funny.
#26
Heres one. A band is jamming and the new guitarist asks the bassist, "what key are we playing in?" the bassist replies, "Just play E Chromatic man!"
#27
Quote by sheumack111
His lyrics are terrible i admit.... I would definatly not say his song writing as a whole is though.... Check out "concerto in Eb minor for electric guitar" Yngwie composed the whole thing, stuff like "Icarcus dream suite" "Guardian Angel" "Evil Eye" are all beautiful pieces of music.


I've listened to a variety of his music, each of them boring me to death.
#30
A man and a woman have a really bad marriage, because they just can't communicate. They decide to seek counseling. When they arrive there the therapist takes out a bass and begins to play a bass solo. Suddenly the man and woman talk to each other like they haven't talked in years. They sort out all their problems and agree on a way to fix their marriage together. Amazed at the quick results the man asks the therapist: "how did you do that?" The therapist awnsers: "everyone always starts talking during a bass solo!"
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#31
Quote by sheumack111
Fb/E#/tone between E and F, can be found as a harmonic on the G string about 3/4's along the 3rd fret.


Interesting.
Proud owner of an Engl Thunder 50 Reverb and an Ibanez S470

"The end is extremely fucking nigh..."
#32
Quote by sheumack111
Fb/E#/tone between E and F, can be found as a harmonic on the G string about 3/4's along the 3rd fret.

I don't get it...was that the punch line?
#34
jokes that only true music lovers would get


Yngwie Malmsteen.

Also, how do you get a bass player off your doorstep?
Pay for the pizza.
#35
Quote by Rocker4500
You're in a room with a mass murderer, a man-eating lion, and a drummer.
You have a gun with two bullets, what do you do?

...

Shoot the drummer.


Twice.


i lol'ed
#36
What's the similarity between a bass player's fingers and lightning?


They never strike the same place twice.

Ever.
hendrix was overrated and grohl is better in food fighters than in nirvana
#37
What do you get when you cross a sucky drummer and a sucky guitar player?


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#38
So a drummer dies, and goes to Hell. In Hell, he meets Satan. Satan says, "ok dude, there are 20 doors down this hallway, you need to find the one you belong in, cause i have a date tonight. Oh, by the way, the doors represent your IQ, 20=200...19=190, so on and so forth. Well, I gotta go, see ya!"

The drummer thinks he's pretty smart, so he goes to door 20 and opens it, inside are men talking about quantum physics. The drummer realizes that he's not THAT smart, so he goes to room 18. Inside, there are people discussing the worlds problems and politics and stuff. The drummer is completely lost, so he moves on to the next door. He keeps going down and down, slowly realizing that he's not as smart as he thought. He finally gets to door 1 and thinks that they have to accept him now. He opens the door. There is a man standing there. The man looks at him and then asks, "So do you play Zildjian or what, dude?"
#40
whats the difference between a violin and a viola? who cares!
my guitar teacher told me that one.
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