#1
This is my first song. Please help me.


Hey all you kids over there, hear what I have to say,
Just get your freakin ass over here right this instance,
That's not how you do it, let me show you the way,
Get a baseball bat and break it with no hesitance,
Before that, let's get some booze, and go get high,
Then we destroy everything in our sight!

Ch:-
Vandalizing, destroy everything we can get,
Vandalize, we'll come back to take another swing,
Vandalize, destroy everything that we can get,
Vandalize, we'll come back to take another swing,

Grab all your clubs and axes from the room back there,
The phone booth is gonna go down to the ground,
Pulling out the cables that I see around everywhere,
Let us go blow it up and make a big big sound,
Before that, let's get some booze, and go get high,
Then we destroy everything in our sight.

Ch:-
Vandalizing, destroy everything we can get,
Vandalize, we'll come back to take another swing,
Vandalize, destroy everything that we can get,
Vandalize, we'll come back to take another swing,

Get your spray cans ready in each of your hands,
Now you all know what to do next , bring the crew,
The walls were empty before we all wrote our brands,
It's so much fun getting caught by thosemen in blue,
Before that, let's get some booze, andgo get high,
Then we destroy everything in our sight.

Ch:-
Vandalizing, destroy everything we can get,
Vandalize, we'll come back to take another swing,
Vandalize, destroy everything that we can get,
Vandalize, we'll come back to take another swing, now
Stop!
Last edited by guns n rex at Jun 22, 2007,
#2
its very upfront, like its got nothing to hide, i liked it, it flowed very well and smooth, i could c it go with like a party song with like some really catchy heavy riff. keep it up, thanxs for the crit on mine
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#3
Hey all you kids over there, hear what
I have to say,
Just get your freakin ass over here
right this instance,
That's not how you do it, let me show
you the way,
Get a baseball bat and break it with
no hesitance,
Before that, let's get some booze, and
go get high,
Then we destroy everything in our
sight!
I don't agree with Texas, the flow here was very choppy, and the line breaks were very unnesecary, they added nothing to the actual song. The line with freakin ass didn't flow very well, try to shorten it somehow.
Ch:-
Vandalize, destroy everything we can
get,
Vandalize, we'll come back to take
another swing,
Vandalize, destroy everything that we
can get,
Vandalize, we'll come back to take
another swing, now
Stop!
The line breaks here don't help either, they aren't really done properly. Line breaks are really hard to do so don't get disapointed if they don't work

Grab all your clubs and axes from the
room back there,
The phone booth is gonna go down to
the ground,
Pulling out the cables that I see
around everywhere,
Let us go blow it up and make a big
big sound,
Before that, let's get some booze, and
go get high,
Then we destroy everything in our
sight.
This confused me, in the chorus you say: Now Stop! but then here you seems to keep on going on about vandalizing. The same issues as in other verses, though this one seems slightly better.

Ok for a first song this is quite good, but there are some areas that you really need to do some brushing up on. Other than that this was fine. C4C: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=611476
#4
Now, I'm assuming this is Punk Rock, and seeing as how most of my fav badns are...well...Punk Rock, Its actually good to see someone OTHER than me who writes Punk Rock, but I kinda agree with confusius, the flow is a tad bit choppy, but I kinda liked it

as always, Im crit 4 crit, so please take a look at mine
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#5
I agree it seems punk rock I'm listening to a descendents song right now and I put your lyrics to the melody and it sounds great. If you have time please crit mine ''Streets of damnation''
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM