#1
Its a re-write of my other one about Diet Coke lol
Enjoy....
[For Chloe.]

"A Free Broken Heart With Every Diet Coke"

Spell out my name with your fingertips
On my beaten chest
Show me how the waves crash
Against my will I do protest
I bent back the lid and
Went through my ABC's
I can't say I'm suprised
That it didn't land on C
Bite my lip but be careful
Bite it just until it bleeds
To increase your sugar levels
And to increase my heartbeat
The vibration from your call
It ran through my leg
I even felt the radiation
As it was drilled into my head
To make me believe even though
I seen it with my own eyes
I could be the one you choose
Over Diet Coke, a slow dance
And his georgous smile
Last edited by i_got_novacain at Jun 21, 2007,
#3
It has changed completly from the last one, for the better. There are some places where the flow is slightly off, but they don't take away from the whole piece. I enjoyed this much more than the first one. It was simply more creative and it was better written. I do recall you owe me several crits. Wanna check my piece out and we can call it even?

EDIT: thanks, I didn't realize I put the link in wrong. Anyway we're even stevens now.
Last edited by confusius at Jun 21, 2007,
#4
that was f**kin' AWESOME, dude , I love it, keep it up
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
#5
awesome...
Learn to swim....


Αλλη μια πέτρα που κυλά...


[quote="Chris.Rock.Art
"]he's my "friend" he said he wanted me to see. It wasn't an accident...he wants to have sex