#1
Knife Sliced Window


Verse-1

Like the air it breathed too much
Eyes fell upon the broken piece in the puzzle
Communication entangles to work its way to the other end
Hibernation was key, message received.
And as the direction signals pointed, the only thing the curtain could do was pause
And admire the work it had done, its step closer to coming down,
And finishing the picture once again.

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2

Verse-2

Skipping heart beats on syncopated cinder blocks
Bruises are showing, this radar closing in slowly
Communication often irritated,
Connection interrupted
Brush painting this moving picture,
Finished once again

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2

Bridge-

Isolation,
It won’t be removed,
Not this time X2

I lost myself in the mirror
Only for a second.
It’s already broken down

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2
#2
Weird, I told you that I didn't like that part in the bridge... but now I do. Seems like it fits in now. You might've meant it like this but, some lines have double meanings depending on where you insert some punctuation like:

"Like the air, it breathed too much"
or
"Like the air it breathed too much"

Definitely really well though out though.

Crit mine (in my sig)


Playing guitar is NOT a sport.

Let the RABBITS wear GLASSES
]
#3
Thanks man, sure wish the rest of this forum would pull together and give a brother some crit
#4
They're all terrible people. haha


Playing guitar is NOT a sport.

Let the RABBITS wear GLASSES
]
#6
I feel that the second verse is a fair amount stronger than the rest of the piece,it really is what stands out in this piece. The rest is alright, some part pretty good, others not so much.

I felt that the first few line of verse #1 were really rough, and they had a bad flow. It might just be the way I'm going over them, but I think that the intro is really important in a piece like this. You may want to smooth that out a bit.

Interesting piece, really developed vocabulary, which is nice. I got a little lost, couldn't really connect to the piece, but thatmight just be me.

Hope that helps.

Could you c4c something in my sig?

Interesting piece
#9
Verse-1

Like the air it breathed too much
Eyes fell upon the broken piece in the puzzle
Communication entangles to work its way to the other end
Hibernation was key, message received.
And as the direction signals pointed, the only thing the curtain could do was pause
And admire the work it had done, its step closer to coming down,
And finishing the picture once again.
I read this out loud to myself, and immediately loved it. But it felt to me like I was reading a piece of literature.

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2
This is cool. The first line is really intriguing. The only thing I could suggest is making it abit longer, it seems sort of odd having a two lined chorus.

Verse-2

Skipping heart beats on syncopated cinder blocks
Bruises are showing, this radar closing in slowly
Communication often irritated,
Connection interrupted
Brush painting this moving picture,
Finished once again
I really like this verse. Like the first, reading it out loud, it sounds lovely. But unlike the first, it sounds like a wonderful verse to a song.

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2

Bridge-

Isolation,
It won’t be removed,
Not this time X2

I lost myself in the mirror
Only for a second.
It’s already broken down
I don't know really what I think about this. It's a nice piece of writing, and works as it should with this song. I just don't find myself liking, or disliking it.

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2

Overall, I found it as a well written, highly interesting song. Asides from the notes, I liked this. Good job.

Crit 4 Crit?
i look down at my hands,
like they were mirrors.
#10
Quote by ENIGMATIC.
Verse-1

Like the air it breathed too much
Eyes fell upon the broken piece in the puzzle
Communication entangles to work its way to the other end
Hibernation was key, message received.
And as the direction signals pointed, the only thing the curtain could do was pause
And admire the work it had done, its step closer to coming down,
And finishing the picture once again.
I read this out loud to myself, and immediately loved it. But it felt to me like I was reading a piece of literature.

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2
This is cool. The first line is really intriguing. The only thing I could suggest is making it abit longer, it seems sort of odd having a two lined chorus.

Verse-2

Skipping heart beats on syncopated cinder blocks
Bruises are showing, this radar closing in slowly
Communication often irritated,
Connection interrupted
Brush painting this moving picture,
Finished once again
I really like this verse. Like the first, reading it out loud, it sounds lovely. But unlike the first, it sounds like a wonderful verse to a song.

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2

Bridge-

Isolation,
It won’t be removed,
Not this time X2

I lost myself in the mirror
Only for a second.
It’s already broken down
I don't know really what I think about this. It's a nice piece of writing, and works as it should with this song. I just don't find myself liking, or disliking it.

Chorus-

Knife sliced window
I'm still slipping on the mirrors edge X2

Overall, I found it as a well written, highly interesting song. Asides from the notes, I liked this. Good job.

Crit 4 Crit?



Thanks for the crit, What I failed to mention was that the first verse i kind a saw as a speech, like said as a talking sequence, than the song kinda pics up. Thanks for the crit you layed down some solid points.
#11
Kinda like Invalid Letter Dept. eh?


Playing guitar is NOT a sport.

Let the RABBITS wear GLASSES
]
#12
haha yeah a bit. The first verse was inspired by it just not anything like what there song is about