#1
I wrote this song when and because I was bored, and just a writers note for anyone who doesn't know, but "La-La Land" is for the most part your happy place that you may go to in your head.
I made a couple versions of this song and I think this one might be the final good one I was looking for. However, with every artists' creation, I need feedback, and be as specific as possible.

#1 in La-La Land

Verse
Torn out of reality, mesmerized
by flickering light bulb over my head
Boredom is picking away at my skull
and eating what's left of my brain

Chorus
Don't know what else to do than
daydream my potential away...
I'm #781 in line for psychotherapy...
but I'm...
#1 in La-La Land

Verse
They say "keep yourself busy"
but I'd rather vanish in the haze
I try to sleep, but nothing comes
Somebody take me out of this uselessness

Chorus
Don't know what else to do than
daydream my potential away...
I'm #716 in line for psychotherapy...
but I'm...
#1 in La-La Land

Bridge
I sit around in my happy place
while the world is spinning faster
every minute I waste away

Chorus
Don't know what else to do than
daydream my potential away...
I'm #543 in line for psychotherapy...
but I'm...
#1 in La-La Land


Verse
I'm a washed up loser
trapped in my little fantasies
and instead of making them real,
I waste my time by thinking of more...

Chorus
Don't know what else to do than
daydream my potential away...
I'm #306 in line for psychotherapy...
but I'm...
#1 in La-La Land
#1 in La-La Land...
I....am....
#1 in La-La Land
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
#2
Maybe instead of I'm #*** in line for psycho..., change it to something else during every chorus. Like im #12 in the grocery line or whatever. But the rest is brilliant, i mean it !!!
_________________
My Stuff:

- Black Am. Strat
- Gibson Standard SG
- Marshall JVM 410 100W
- Vox V847 Wah Pedal
- Ibanez Tubescreamer
- Roger Mayer Octavia Pedal
- Fender Frontman DSP 65W

That's about it.
#3
I think this is awesome. I actually like the "I'm #__ in..." parts. I kinda got an old-school punk feel from this. Maybe because i read it like an old school punk song So i like it.
The only thing i could add, would be to have like a pause in the music when you say "#1 in la-la-land" I think that would be sweet. Just like a little pause or something like that to get the point across.
Nice work man. Keep it up.
Thanks for the crit on my piece.
#4
I like this a lot. I hope the lack of rhyming doesn't hurt it, but the flow seems fantastic. The only line I didn't like was:

"I try to sleep, but nothing comes"

I like the "I try to sleep" part but the second half of the line didn't seem well-thought out. Just put two different words in there and you've got yourself a grand song. Thanks for the critique!
#5
The rhyming was kinda alright but the thing that saved this piece was the interesting lyrics i like them but too me i think they should be more....whats the word...i can't find it but anyways it is a cool piece nice work..
#6
It's sorta funny, well just the whole La La Land part, but i like it. It really does sound good, great flow, for being a boredom song it dam good.
"Penis"
"That's right kids, I said penis"
:stickpoke
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