This is a ska punk song I wrote about my band that recently broke up. It's a work in progress but I wanna know how it's looking so far and please crit my other song ''streets of damnation'' it somewhere in the forum. peace out

When we first started out
Things were going great
Every day we jammed from 4 til 8
We were 4 friends who just wanted to play
But then came the day
When are music interests
Just didn't jive
When are band took a nosedive
Somehow I knew it would go down this way
And theres only one thing I have to say

Good ****in' riddance
Good ****in' riddanace to ya

I respected your music
You did not respect mine
I knew it was only
A matter of time....

end that's all I got for now(Crit4crit)
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
They say the old woman's got the wisdom
'Cause she couldn't read the clock anymore
She said "The numbers don't represent the moments"
Says she don't see what all the ticking's for
Hmm. I don't know about this one. Ska probably wouldn't be the best driving force behind this gem.
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I don't know, but I find it rather a bit.. literal. All songs need some really literal aspects but this is all in your face, it's almost too obvious what you're talking about. You should try and put some metaphors or break it down so it doesn't feel like reading a story.

Good subject though, you need to work around it to make it a bit more thought provoking.
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