#1
O.K. this is just a little poem thing I wrote, not lyrics. Feedback?

Lead you by your finger tips
right off the side of a cliff
smile at the sight of the rips
as you sail over the edge of the rift
and you sing "Is this all?"
all you can do as you fall
#2
I liked it but I thought it could be improved...

Quote by Solemn Silence

Lead you by your finger tips I didn't like this opener. It was a little awkward. Starting with lead seems to imply another character/object doing the leading and this made the whole piece seem unclear to me. I'm not the best at explaining these things, but It felt forced and unnecessary.
right off the side of a cliff The flow was choppy for me but the idea is fine. I'd recommend rewording it
smile at the sight of the rips The internal rhyming was good, but the end rhymes seem forced. "Rips" made me think you meant ripples here (which i prefer to rips) but the word just doesn't feel right to me
as you sail over the edge of the rift I like this line. Its good.
and you sing "Is this all?"
all you can do as you fallthe ending is a definate improvement. These lines are fine


The ending was good but the first half was a let down. Overall, I liked it though.

hope I helped a bit.

~~Jimi~~
Anatomy Anatomy
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Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me