#1
yeah this was really weird. i just started singing these words while playing the piano


-how to kill a vampire-

what do you do
in the dark,
when the sun falls down?
do you fly,
far away
like the life
in your eyes?

what do you do
with my heart,
when it bursts into flame?
do you tear
it in half,
let the blood
stain the sky?

what have i done,
what have i thought of doing?
why did you have to love me so?
why did you scream,
Why did you fear that time
when my razor tore your neck?

i never wanted to hurt you;
all i wanted,
was to kill you silently,
like a choir of bleeding orphans.

forever, forever,
till nevermore
shall the sun shine
upon our faces of wax;
its the only way
to go on
without pain
in this world
filled with tears
for the dying

a heart plated with gold,
so cold and unfeeling;
its the better way
than having it broken
into bloody, shimmering razors.

heres the pain,
heres the blood;
burn them in rememberance of me.
let me burn, let me tear,
in your love.

For the thing I cannot abide
is love; all the motives
i cannot ever fathom of
two bound by passion.
So let me burn,
let me fade away
like my visage in the mirror.
i have a 'white guitar'
#2
You must've spent a lot of time singing at the piano. It's alright. It isn't great, but I think it has some potential. Keep working on it.
Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you


Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do
#3
I think this is a pretty good writing. I would be able to say it is great, but the first few stanzas didn't seem to have had the effort thats in the later ones. I think the flow of the piece is great. I can see you have put in a lot of effort, with some improvements it might become a lot better
Quote by aradine
i wish i got disowned by my grandparents so i could stay home tommorow and fap.


Guitars:
Ibanez RG350EX

Amps:
Vox Valvetronix 30
#4
its flows fairly well... but this part just seems kinda...ehhh not as fluesnt for some reason

heres the pain,
heres the blood;
burn them in rememberance of me.
let me burn, let me tear,
in your love
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Mr.Cuddles killed The Metal!!!! FUCK YES!

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Mr Cuddles pretty much nailed it...

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Viscara (my band)
#7
i liked it but they are right some of your stanzas need spme work but its good so far