#1
Yeah, this is a poem/song about other life/our life

Please no rude/mean comments, only constructive critisism.
crit4crit

Thanks- Nate

What if….

What if somewhere sleeping, there was an old wise man,
Living in a hidden world we’ll never understand,
And night upon night as he lays in deep sleep,
His thoughts, and dreams, and fantasies create you and me?

What if what we’re made of, held a life unknown,
A universe within an atom held another home,
And the creatures there that we cannot see,
Live in a better world than you and me

What if in the mirror lays a world of mystery,
Where things are the opposite of everything we see,
And the mirror on our wall shows more than just complexion,
And your alter ego lies within your own reflection?

What if our lives were meant to be spent,
Thinking about what our lives really meant,
And we’re ‘spose to wonder if we’re all alone,
Or if there’s another place that holds another home?
#2
Ok you have a great image in the song but kinda crappy mistakes...which i have no with but i had one problem lol joking the song was great it was more like a story song which is great in my book nice job 8.2/10
#3
i really liked this, it was vague but in a good way, it was vague enough to were we could put our own meaning to it, my fav line is this

"What if in the mirror lays a world of mystery,
Where things are the opposite of everything we see,"

it was clever and beautiful. the flow was great couldnt find a mistake there. keep it up, this is good 9/10, could u crit mine, links r in m y sig
My Music
http://www.myspace.com/theocifers
GUITARS:
Gibson ES-335
Gretsch Pro Jet
Guild Acoustic
1958 Harmony Hollowbody Archtop
AMPS & EFFECTS:
Vox Valvetronix AD50VT
Vox V847A Wah Pedal
Electro-Harmonix USA Big Muff
Danelectro Daddy-O
#4
i loved it, creative and cool good work if you could add to it it would be even more amazing
but still nice one
#6
this was so awesome and thought provoking. it was also really cleverly written and very originally. im pretty sure i secretly wish i wrote this haha

i'd appreciate it if you took a look at mine
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=614037

brittany
#7
awesome. It gave me really awesome mental pictures, and got me thinking. there were a few small mistakes but nothin too big, i liked it alot.
"Penis"
"That's right kids, I said penis"
:stickpoke
98% of teens have been around or have had alcohol. Put this in your sig if you like bagels.