#3
I to be honest can't find anything wrong with this, though I would only call it a cute little poem, it didn't strike me as anything amazing. I'm sure you can find quite a few things wrong with this: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=611476

sorry for such a meager "crit"
#4
uh...short, sweet, and to the point, not really much to say because of the length, but w/e

crit 4 crit?
No Dollar Left Behind
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
#5
thanks everyone.

yeah... i was going for the "cute little poem" effect... not earth shattering.

basically i've been sorta stuck for a while and i posted this for the sake of posting something.

thanks again.
#8
I am assuming that the 'Ly' title is 'Love you' abbreviated?

I have read a few of your pieces, and I must say, I am generally incredibly impressed, but this, I don't know...

I think the 'punchline', or whatever you want to call it, was weak. For such a small piece, it really didn't flow very well either.

I don't think it can really stand alone as it is, there is something lacking.

But, that's just me. I am nowhere near as good as you, so you don't need to listen to what I say.

If you could help me with mine I would greatly appreciate it:

Drop [The Charade]

in sig. thanks.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#9
thanks... yeah i wasn't really going for strength with this one... basically i posted it as something that popped into my head.

and Ly is actually the nickname of the girl it's about.

alright so yeah i'll get to your piece soon.
#10
Hmmm...I like it. I really enjoy the link between "sweetheart" and "taste". Ummm, I'm not sure how to improve. But I was thinking it'd be cool to see it turned into the theme of an entire song, or a nice addition to another song. Because it is a sweet little line, but by itself it leaves a search for more.

Thank you for checking my piece, I appreciate it. Peace.