I to be honest can't find anything wrong with this, though I would only call it a cute little poem, it didn't strike me as anything amazing. I'm sure you can find quite a few things wrong with this: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=611476

sorry for such a meager "crit"
uh...short, sweet, and to the point, not really much to say because of the length, but w/e

crit 4 crit?
No Dollar Left Behind
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
thanks everyone.

yeah... i was going for the "cute little poem" effect... not earth shattering.

basically i've been sorta stuck for a while and i posted this for the sake of posting something.

thanks again.
I am assuming that the 'Ly' title is 'Love you' abbreviated?

I have read a few of your pieces, and I must say, I am generally incredibly impressed, but this, I don't know...

I think the 'punchline', or whatever you want to call it, was weak. For such a small piece, it really didn't flow very well either.

I don't think it can really stand alone as it is, there is something lacking.

But, that's just me. I am nowhere near as good as you, so you don't need to listen to what I say.

If you could help me with mine I would greatly appreciate it:

Drop [The Charade]

in sig. thanks.
O! music: Click (Youtube)

^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
thanks... yeah i wasn't really going for strength with this one... basically i posted it as something that popped into my head.

and Ly is actually the nickname of the girl it's about.

alright so yeah i'll get to your piece soon.
Hmmm...I like it. I really enjoy the link between "sweetheart" and "taste". Ummm, I'm not sure how to improve. But I was thinking it'd be cool to see it turned into the theme of an entire song, or a nice addition to another song. Because it is a sweet little line, but by itself it leaves a search for more.

Thank you for checking my piece, I appreciate it. Peace.