#1
Less Than That

Jealousy gnaws at my aching mind
Like an underfed dog confined to a cage.
I smile to my friends, as I laugh with them
But you dance into the corner of my vision,
Talking to her.
Am I as pretty as her?
Am I pretty enough?
I guess I will ask you later
Although I am sure
You will only tell me how much you love me
And kiss my worries away.
They will fade
Until I am I alone
And I wonder why you are with me.
I don’t feel loved
I feel less than that.
If I called you, if I heard your voice,
Would it make it okay?
No.
I would imagine her face playing
Through your mind.
Are you thinking of me now,
As you talk to her?
Why do you stand so close?
I stare as you smile, and glance my way
And your angel eyes meet mine.
I look away.
You talk to me later.
You tell me you love me.
You tell me I’m perfect.
I feel less than that.


thanks. havent posted in a while, some feed back would be appreciated.

darkangel322
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#3
yes, mr brain surgeon, glad you figured that out.
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#6
lol
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
#7
Quote by darkangel322
Less Than That

Jealousy gnaws at my aching mind
Like an underfed dog confined to a cage.
I smile to my friends, as I laugh with them
But you dance into the corner of my vision,
Talking to her.
Nice start
Am I as pretty as her?
Am I pretty enough?
I guess I will ask you later
Although I am sure
You will only tell me how much you love me
And kiss my worries away.
maybe u should make "how much you love me" in a seperate line all itself, might help the flow
They will fade
Until I am I alone
And I wonder why you are with me.
I don’t feel loved
I feel less than that.
I feel ur pain...I feels yeh, I feels yeh...
If I called you, if I heard your voice,
Would it make it okay?
No.
I would imagine her face playing
Through your mind.
Are you thinking of me now,
As you talk to her?
Why do you stand so close?
This really accentuates a panic attack, and claustrophobia, which shows how much distress the character is feeling, I likes, I likes...
I stare as you smile, and glance my way
And your angel eyes meet mine.
I look away.
You talk to me later.
You tell me you love me.
You tell me I’m perfect.
I feel less than that.
Nice ending

thanks. havent posted in a while, some feed back would be appreciated.

darkangel322


u really accentuated a lonely, but yet, claustrophobic feel to this poem, i like it, plan on me reading more of ur stuff

dude, i love this, as always, ur sh*t pwns, There really wasn't anything bad about it....as always

crit 4 crit?
No dollar left behind
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=613908
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
#8
some parts could have the words switched around and it didn't flow amazimgly but it was still a good read
and a nicley written ending
i look foward to hearing more from you in the future....


c4c?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=602097&highlight=voices+head
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#9
overall this is good . i can't find anything that seriously wrong with it . the story telling was good but not that gr8 srry. sometimes the next part was predicatable. you started of very well . i can't deny that even ending was meaningful but sometimes it was easy to get ur next move,.anyway another nice piece from you.keep posting
#10
I think it's awesome, I think it's sad, but i understand what it's about. Keep posting, i'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
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#11
Quote by less than that
....


ohhhhhh, its your NAME

im sorry.
The only truly consistent people are dead people.