#1
well heres a song i wrote about a couple of years ago tell me what you think

Chorus:

Coated with anger
And fueled by inner rage
I'm just another puppet
And life is one big stage
Pull my strings to make me walk
Or cut them to watch me fall
But leave one left so im not dead
And have enough strength to crawl

Verse: 1

I'm being controlled like a vodoo doll
It looks like im headed for a hearse
I tryed to play the cards as dealt
But this hand cant be any worse

===========
repeat chorus
===========

Verse: 2

I guess life is like a box of chocolates
But mine have all gone rotten
All this pain is cluttering
While all the goods forgotton

===========
repeat chorus
===========

Verse: 3

Life is a bad mechanic
And we are all machines
But you have to know how to fix yourself
And thats when you become a human being
#2
awesome. I like it, the only problem i have is in verse 2, the last line doesn;t fit too well. Other than that i don;t see any problems with it, nie work.
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98% of teens have been around or have had alcohol. Put this in your sig if you like bagels.
#4
Quote by bubby004
well heres a song i wrote about a couple of years ago tell me what you think

Chorus:

Coated with anger
And fueled by inner rage
I'm just another puppet
And life is one big stage
Pull my strings to make me walk
Or cut them to watch me fall this to me sounds a bit force? *maybe replace the word "cut" with a deeper word?*
But leave one left so im not dead
And have enough strength to crawl

Verse: 1

I'm being controlled like a vodoo doll
It looks like im headed for a hearse
I tryed to play the cards as dealt
But this hand cant be any worse

===========
repeat chorus
===========

Verse: 2

I guess life is like a box of chocolates *a little too cliche, buts thats my opinion*
But mine have all gone rotten
All this pain is cluttering
While all the goods forgotton

===========
repeat chorus
===========

Verse: 3

Life is a bad mechanic
And we are all machines
But you have to know how to fix yourself
And thats when you become a human being


i love the metaphor in this last line.


overall good job man! 9/10
if you get a chance, crit mine? its in my sig.