#1
ots


Narrator
Person
God


intro
Life has many stories
All with a beginning and an end.
Here’s one you probably haven’t heard
About the rejection we see
And we just don’t believe

verse

Has God talked to you tonight?
Told you everything,
There is about life
You refuse to believe
That this voice you hear
Just could be me.
But baby,
Is it alright
If I talk to you one more time?

Pre-Chorus
Don’t ever let the currents guide you,
You are the choice maker
Not me, yea it’s not me
You keep asking for salvation
Girl just look, in the mirror,
There’s your answer

Chorus
This is a fire without any flame
No ignition source, yea it’s not the same
But the fire, it keeps on and spreads
Like a Fox with a rabbit,
It’ll end up with one in the bed
Yea it’s just not the same


Verse 2
Difference doesn’t make things wrong
It’s the only reason you keep on asking why
It’s the only reason you keep on writing this song.
It’s the only reason birds can always fly
Find it in you to relinquish
All of your beliefs
And start a new idea
And by my word you shall receive your crown


Pre-Chorus

An earthquake is shaking my beliefs
Is believing in you so wrong
Why can't you answer like the God I Know?
I just want to stop this song


Chorus

This is a fire without any flame
No ignition source, yea it’s not the same
But the fire, it keeps on and spreads
Like a Fox with a rabbit,
It’ll end up with one in the bed
Yea it’s just not the same


outro
The wind is pushing me away
I just couldn’t take this anyway
Leave my head please I don’t want you here
God, it just can’t be you I feel



ok so this is kind of a story mixed with a song so here is the navigation in this thing


Narrator
Person
God

so yea C4C just leave the link.
Last edited by thefoundationof at Jun 26, 2007,
#2
This was really different from wat i usually see here, it was well though out i think, I also think u already had a rhythm for it, because the flow was a bit different, not bad, but just not the same as others, I like it, i also like the fact that its got a lot of "mushy" factors in it(the warm and fuzzy feeling) this will attract alot of girls...well the ones who appreciate that kind of stuff(a lot)

crit 4 crit?
M.C. Escher
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=614513
also:No dollar left behind, its somewhere on the front
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
#4
This blew me away. How did you ever get the idea to write a song with the perspective of three people involved?! That is just genious.
I thought this is a very interesting piece, very well written i think. I love how you go back sometimes, like you say "its not the same' a few times in the perspective of the 'person'.
My favorite line would have to be "An earthquake is shaking my beliefs," and the first line of the chorus, "This is a fire without any flame." Really beautiful stuff.

I bet this must have taken you quite a while to complete. And might i say, very very worth it! It has inspired me to write a similar piece, with three or more perspectives.
Keep up the amazing work! 8.5/10
Thanks for the crit on my piece.
#6
the writing was decent and generally interesting, the only problem i have is that i dont think people are going to recognize whose point of view your coming from if this is a song because you wont really have a way of seperating them, especially with god talking about himself in the 3rd person but its a good idea. if you could differentiate a little more i think id like it a lot more.
crit for crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=615316
thanks
#7
thnx dood, well in the song plannin on having different people sing the persong, my friend (girl) would sing the parts with the girl and then i would sing the god parts and we would either scream the first part or have one else sing it, ill get to urs tommorow or later on today
#10
Yeah i liked this piece it is very different and unique, you did spend a lot of time on it but it was worth it. But it has parts where it really flows but then just isnt quite as good in other minor parts but other than that it is fine to my prospective.

Please crit my new piece. click link below. ill crit another piece for you if you do.

place for me
#12
intro
Life has many stories
All with a beginning and an end.
Here’s one you probably haven’t heard
About the rejection we see
And we just don’t believe
Nothing wrong here.

verse
Has God talked to you tonight?
Told you everything,
There is about life
You refuse to believe
That this voice you hear
Just could be me.
But baby,
Is it alright
If I talk to you one more time?
I like this verse. It sure caught my attention.

Pre-Chorus
Don’t ever let the currents guide you,
You are the choice maker
Not me, yea it’s not me
You keep asking for salvation
Girl just look, in the mirror,
There’s your answer
I like how you worded everything in here. Sounds good.

Chorus
This is a fire without any flame
No ignition source, yea it’s not the same
But the fire, it keeps on and spreads
Like a Fox with a rabbit,
It’ll end up with one in the bed
Yea it’s just not the same
This is good. I like the use of a simile. And the first line is really catchy, I love it.

Verse 2
Difference doesn’t make things wrong
It’s the only reason you keep on asking why
It’s the only reason you keep on writing this song.
It’s the only reason birds can always fly
Find it in you to relinquish
All of your beliefs
And start a new idea
And by my word you shall receive your crown
I really like this verse. The repetition works really nicely.

Pre-Chorus
An earthquake is shaking my beliefs
Is believing in you so wrong
Why can't you answer like the God I Know?
I just want to stop this song
I love the first line. Again, nothing wrong.

Chorus
This is a fire without any flame
No ignition source, yea it’s not the same
But the fire, it keeps on and spreads
Like a Fox with a rabbit,
It’ll end up with one in the bed
Yea it’s just not the same


outro
The wind is pushing me away
I just couldn’t take this anyway
Leave my head please I don’t want you here
God, it just can’t be you I feel
The first line is lovely. Very good, this leaves a good impactful finish.


Overall, as you've probably gathered, I haven't found one negative thing in this. I'm sure this took a pretty penny to write, and it definitely shows. You've got some wonderful imagery in there, and some very well written lines. Great job on this.
i look down at my hands,
like they were mirrors.
#13
I didn't get verse 2 whatsoever. Other than that though, it's a pretty interesting piece. Would definitely work very well for a Christian rock band with multiple singers. Put some sus4 chords with it and you're set.
#15
Yeah I read over it again after I posted that and I figured I kind of misinterpreted it. I get it now, and I appreciate it a lot more because it kind of goes in line with my own beliefs. Sorry about that. It was a really clever way of conveying its message. Great job. I do still stand by what I said about how awesome it would be with multiple singers.

And if you wanted to crit mine that would be much appreciated.