#1
Hey I would really appreciate it if you guys could edit these lyrics for me. It's my first attempt at writing lyrics and I really suck lol. So any help at all would be great.

Verse1

you stare at me
through those long gazing eyes
and it just makes me feel
like your trying to pull me down

I know how you feel
but I can't say the same
Just don't pull me down
not down with you

Chorus

cus your pulling me down
further and further with ever blow
please just let me go

these words your throwing at me
seem to be taking their toll
please just let me go

Verse 2

every last word
is just another attempt
to bring me down
down with you

well I'm not going
I'm not going anywhere
epically not there
down there with you

Chorus

cus your pulling me down
further and further with ever blow
please just let me go

these words your throwing at me
seem to be taking their toll
please just let me go

Bridge

every time
you look at me
I'll hear those words
you use to throw at me.


Thanks, Sheldon
Guitars:
PRS Custom 24
Gibson Les Paul 60's Tribute
85' MIJ Strat
97' Snakepit Les Paul
LP Traditional 1960 Zebra
MIJ Tele
MIA Strat

Amps:
Silver Jubilee 2525
Peavey Ultra 112
Jet City JCA50H
66' Bassman
Pink Paisley Princeton RV
74' Vibro Champ
#2
Quote by sheldonpardy
Hey I would really appreciate it if you guys could edit these lyrics for me. It's my first attempt at writing lyrics and I really suck lol. So any help at all would be great.

Verse1

you stare at me
through those long gazing eyes
and it just makes me feel
like your trying to pull me down

thgis was ok, there really is nothing wrong here except its not really catchy, nothing really too specail about it, the message gets across, but it doesn't really last

I know how you feel
but I can't say the same
Just don't pull me down
not down with you

This was also ok, a bit more better than the last part, u seem to kno the song structure, but it looks cliche, doesn't really stand out, I mean its not bad, i've seen a lot worse

Chorus

cus your pulling me down
further and further with ever blow
please just let me go

these words your throwing at me
seem to be taking their toll
please just let me go

now, ur using the word "down" to much, u could have said something else other than down, perhaps 'away'? look up synonyms for "down" on m-w.com(websters online dictionary)other than that, this is reeally good for a first piece, I have to say, U got potential

Verse 2

every last word
is just another attempt
to bring me down
down with you

well I'm not going
I'm not going anywhere
epically not there
down there with you

again, ur using down, and ur repeating the whole idea that ur being pulled/brought down

Chorus

cus your pulling me down
further and further with ever blow
please just let me go

these words your throwing at me
seem to be taking their toll
please just let me go

Bridge

every time
you look at me
I'll hear those words
you use to throw at me.

ur also repeating the idea that the other person is "throwing words" at u, this is a very good metaphor, but its getting cliche with every verse. (in case u don't kno, I dont kno if u do or not, but cliche means that ur overusing something. in this case, words/phrases)

Thanks, Sheldon



The whole idea of the song is actually very general, but still, we all start somewheres, so keep 'em comin' and u'll get better
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
#3
Don't quit writing just because you're not amazing at first, keep at it.

But yeah, read the rules, you have an improper title.

*reported*
#5
Yeah the rules will explain everything. Feel free to repost this as you wish.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.