#1
This is a song that really needs to be critiqued because we are stuck. I know it is short but it will probably have a long guitar part and I will add to it but I need to know if the poem is going in the right direction.



One by one,
Time by time,
Boy by girl,
Line by line,
Hand in hand,
Cheek to Cheek,
Scared to Death,
As they weep.

On the floor,
Bodies bare,
Knives to throats,
This isn't fair,
That's why they cry,
That's why they weep,
Until death,
Until defeat
.

-TJ
Last edited by freeloader1504 at Jun 25, 2007,
#3
*reported*

Please read the rules on both how to post the title of the thread and the rules on not bumping the thread.

I.E. double-posting

Quote by boywonder329
Dude change the title before you get the thread closed. Once you do that I'll crit it.


Ya can't
Quote by ndakasimba
whoa, this thread blows my mind!!

how did twist of fate quote the dude that posted after him? how did the title get changed?

whatttt??


I'm magic and I'm an underground mod

But I edited. I quoted him and edited it into mine. Also, he didn't change the thread title, he changed the headline
Last edited by Twist of fate at Jun 25, 2007,
#6
whoa, this thread blows my mind!!

how did twist of fate quote the dude that posted after him? how did the title get changed?

whatttt??