#1
ok. im brand new to this, this is the first song i've ever written. i just kinda winged it, i didnt use any guidlines, because most of it confused me.
its really bad, and most likely in major need of critique. c4c if wanted.

Chained To This Wall

Verse:

Woke up tonight in this dark cell
Deep down in the fiery pits of hell
Insanity takes its toll
Knowing I wil die in this God-forsaken hole

Pre-Chorus:

What do I do?
Why didn't I save you?
Guilt seeping into my mind
Heaven has no pity for my kind


Chorus:

Chained to this wall
Adhering to the reaper's call
The grip of death on my throat
Unwavering, steady as I choke



Verse:

In a way i am a killer
Just using life for a thriller
My actions were your deprivation
The cause of your self-affliction


Chorus:

Chained to the wall
Adhering to the reaper's call
The grip of death on my throat
Unwavering, steady as i choke

Ending Verse:

To go back in time.
To be off death's chime
To undo this disaster
I would bow to any master
#2
Quote by AtreyuOwnz

Chained To This Wall

Verse:

Woke up tonight in this dark cell
Deep down in the fiery pits of hell
Insanity takes its toll
Knowing I wil die in this God-forsaken hole
look out, im gunna be a bastard. i dont like 'woke up' to start off the song. woke implies sudden realization, but the song seems to be about guilt, which necessitates prior knowledge=doesnt quite fit. other than my being a bastard, the third line a bit too short

Pre-Chorus:

What do I do?
Why didn't I save you?
Guilt seeping into my mind
Heaven has no pity for my kind
i dunno what beat this is going to, but the meter sound a bit off. also, consider replacing has with hath


Chorus:

Chained to this wall
Adhering to the reaper's call
The grip of death on my throat
Unwavering, steady as I choke
adhering is definately not the right word. revision: shackled to this wall. refusing the reaper's call. the grip of death at my throat. but it is on guilt that i choke.



Verse:

In a way i am a killer
Just using life for a thriller
My actions were your deprivation
The cause of your self-affliction
the first coupled it pretty bad, but the second is well done, gj!

Chorus:

Chained to the wall
Adhering to the reaper's call
The grip of death on my throat
Unwavering, steady as i choke

Ending Verse:

To go back in time.
To be off death's chime
To undo this disaster
I would bow to any master


All in all, this is pretty good for a first effort. keep going man, and i wanna hear this when its finished!

crit for crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=611287