#1
revision of my song Chained to the wall. Props to ChordMonger for constructive crits. C4C if desired.

Shackled To This Wall

Verse:

Trapped and alone in this dark cell
Deep down in the fiery pits of hell
Insanity begins to takes its toll
Knowing I wil die in this God-forsaken hole

Pre-Chorus:

I've kept it in all this time
without a scream or a whine
Guilt seeping into my mind
Heaven hath no pity for my kind


Chorus:

Shackled to this wall
Refusing the reaper's call
The grip of death at my throat
But it is on guilt that i choke


Verse:

Comsumed by guilty rage
Made to suffer in my cage
My actions were your deprivation
The cause of your self-affliction


Chorus:

Shackled to the wall
Refusing to the reaper's call
The grip of death at my throat
But it is guilt that i choke

Ending Verse:

To go back in time.
To be off death's chime
To undo this disaster
I would bow to any master
#2
ssounds prettt cool
Nerdo-sez-bo wrote:

Bon Jovi can just **** off really.

Life is one big question when your starin at the clock
And the answers always waiting at the liquor store, 40 oz to Freedom
#3
Awesome, it flows really well and i'm sure it would sound awesome as hell made into a song. nice job, keep it up!
"Penis"
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:stickpoke
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#5
really good. except the rhyme scheme is pretty boring.
but over all its really good.
if you have time can you crit mine?
its Childhood Massarce
#7
sounds cool, but like bal sagoth said, the rhyming needs a little spice. or maybe just lay off of it and go for the AABC scheme more often or something of the like

and your last chorus might be missing its "on" in the last line, unless you intentionally wanted it w/o it

other than that, very nice, dark song. keep up the good work
Quote by Dimebag22
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#8
I agree, the ryhme scheme was the only thing that threw me off, with how it got boring.
But at the same time it does go really nicely, and I think it would be a wicked song.
I particularly liked
The grip of death at my throat
But it is on guilt that i choke


C4C? It's in my sig.
i look down at my hands,
like they were mirrors.
#9
Its a nice song. Very good idea. I find the chorus is pretty tight. I too find the rhyming a problem. Theres just to much and sometimes it seems forced. But nice job.
#11
Top A song i really loved it ,you write how i write like metal songs that have meaning which i like cause it is different from what most ppl on this site write about