#1
idk i don't know which would be a better title but i'm leaning (in millimeters) towards the latter

crit for crit, just tell me the name of the song or leave a link and i'll get back to you

Worn out nikes, worn out shirt
I pound the pavement and nothing hurts
For a while, i can forget
I throw back my head and take a breath
Stretch out my lungs and open my eyes
It's been a while since i've seen the sky
Sometimes i sing softly

Tendons aching and throbbing feet
My muscles are radiating heat
No one else is around
Other then me, there isn't a sound
The dull ache reminds me i'm alive
I haven't felt my heart beat in such a long time
Almost forgot it was there

4 laps in 4 minutes, a personal best
Reluctantly i take a rest
I smile and laugh and face the wind
Douse water on my sun tanned skin
For just a minute, nothing is wrong
It's been a while since i've felt this strong
Since i've looked at the sky


_____________
well you gotta find your escape in some things (= (when life is going all wrong)
House: according to the philosophy of Jagger,
"you can't always get what you want"
cuddy: i looked up jagger. apparently
"if you try, you might just find, you get what you need"
huddy x]


Stalker.. much?
or
Runners High/Under the Sky
#2
Worn out Nikes, worn out shirt
I pound the pavement and nothing hurts
For a while, i can forget
I throw back my head and take a breath
Stretch out my lungs and open my eyes
It's been a while since i've seen the sky
Sometimes i sing softly
Love it. I'd add another line about what those songs do to you....(Iknow what you're saying, i do the same when I run, and it is more than just a song)

Tendons aching and throbbing feet
My muscles are radiating heat
No one else is around
Other then me, there isn't a sound
The dull ache reminds me i'm alive
I haven't felt my heart beat in such a long time
Almost forgot it was there

The last line is the best thing you could put here. Solid verse....second to last line was running a little long, but the short last one kinda works out fine.

4 laps in 4 minutes, a personal best
Reluctantly i take a rest
I smile and laugh and face the wind
Douse water on my sun tanned skin
For just a minute, nothing is wrong
It's been a while since i've felt this strong
Since i've looked at the sky
Thats is how you spell douse isn't it. What an ugly word. lol...Anyways I like this verse alot, good flow, I connect really well with this song, although I can't run a 4 min mile..lol. Last line seemed a little abrupt, but if you can make it work, I'm sure it'll be fine. I understand that it ties in with the rest of the piece.

Very nice song, good flow, great imagery. My legs are aching...lol. I'm gonna go run now.

Could you crit my poem "curl up and die" its in my sig.
#3
Worn out nikes, worn out shirt
I pound the pavement and nothing hurts
For a while, i can forget
I throw back my head and take a breath
Stretch out my lungs and open my eyes
It's been a while since i've seen the sky
Sometimes i sing softly
Good stanza. I like the alliteration in the second line

Tendons aching and throbbing feet
My muscles are radiating heat
No one else is around
Other then me, there isn't a sound
The dull ache reminds me i'm alive
I haven't felt my heart beat in such a long time
Almost forgot it was there
your using good imagery throughout this piece

4 laps in 4 minutes, a personal best
Reluctantly i take a rest
I smile and laugh and face the wind
Douse water on my sun tanned skin
For just a minute, nothing is wrong
It's been a while since i've felt this strong
Since i've looked at the sky
Good ending. the last two lines are good. the second line seems forced though


thanks for the crit.
#4
Good idea for a song, I can definitely relate to that feeling back in my running days. The problem is that sounds like you are trying to find rhymes more than actually expressing the feeling you are looking to convey.

What style are you going for? Try and find what you are going to put to guitar and it may start to make a bit more sense.