#1
This is the begining of a song im writing about broken homes/domestic violence...

Its far from being finished but i just thought i could get some crits on it so far... C4C if you want...


Verse
---------
And she said that I dont give a bit
Olive branch was burnt can you take a twig
I concieved in hopes that youd concede
Hit it in the face if it wont agree
I think ive lost my voice so ill scream out loud
This ring around your neck has come unwound

Chorus
-----------

Can gaurantee I might not be here
Can gaurantee I might not be here
Can gaurantee i might not be here
Can guarantee that i wont be here
When You Get home, When you get home


Thats all ive got for now so any crits would be great thanks.
#2
Its a nice start. Its a little deep I want to say. The olive branch part is genious. Keep up the good work.

Crit mine? Its Fallen Hero.