#1
what do you think?
when i was writing it i was thinking slightly of the voicings in the cold war kids "saint john"

crit for crit


I’m Breaking In

Strolling down the street as happy as can be
Where I was playing my music
Step off the stoop and talk to all
Just waiting to show my new trick
Smaller conversations were starting up
I was getting all ragged
Think of something clever I’m totally blank
I’m just making myself dread
The second odd date just us alone…

Chorus x 2
Baby girl I’m breaking in
To your heart and further
Been there once I’m taken thin
I’ve just gotta be for her

Sitting for hours with a cup of tea
I could be here forever
When I’m fixated on making you laugh
I’ve got stories so clever
Walking out slowly I pay the tab
Impress you with my keen manners
Taking you home in one whole piece
Driving slowly on back roads
If we could just stay here tonight…

Chorus x2

With nothing on the tube and joy in our hearts
We’ve got an old couch to share
Slightly damaged by past remarks
Putting them out so bare
Taking our time just as slow as we can
I’m just walking on egg shells
Spending space with the one you want
Imagined hearing church bells

Chorus x4
#6
nice work, i didn't have any problems with it. With music to it, it'll sound kickass.
"Penis"
"That's right kids, I said penis"
:stickpoke
98% of teens have been around or have had alcohol. Put this in your sig if you like bagels.
#9
yeh really good i couldnt find anything wrong with it i think it was very well written with the right chose of genre i could really hear the kind of beat in my head.
well anyway good work.

Can u please crit my new song. Click link below.

place for me
#12
the lyrics are great. nothing wrong with it. put a Jack Johnson sounding guitar rift and it would be chill as ****.
check some of mine out. more poems then lyrics