#1
Just wrote this...tell me whatca think


Question?

I have got a question,
For you
But I must first make a confession,
To you

My confession to you is simple and sweet,
When I met you I was swept off my feet,
My question to you can no longer hide,
Will you please stay right here by my side?

I know we can make it together,
Even though he thinks he's better,
Has no one ever told you love before lust?
Turn one more card over and your gunna bust
But stay with and surely you'll see,
That love before lust will make you happy
Turn one more card over and your gunna bust,
Trust me and choose my love over lust

Now, I have got a question,
For you
And let me make my confession,
More clear

My question to you is bigger than life,
Can i be your husband will you be my wife?
My confession to you is a part of me,
I love you so much baby cant you see?

Now I have got a question,
For you
My question is so simple,
Will you?
Be with me forever?
Because
Its true, that I
Love You

Now I have one more simple confession,
To you
My confession to you is deep and true,
My love
I love you
Now will love me?
And we can live so happily
Check for "Taking a Picture (Won't capture this)
Last edited by Fallen_Misery at Jul 28, 2007,
#2
Damn I love that chorus; it has a really nice flow to it. I especially like the line "Turn one more card over and your gunna bust". Is it an acoustic ballad or is it more like a Blink 182-style pop punk sort of thing?

Pretty lame critique, I know, but I can't find too much that's wrong with it, other than some slight repetition when rhyming "you" with "you".
Quote by kriscornella2@g
I know i wish i was as cool as you and be into Sum 41 and Taking back Sunday. Gaylord.

Quote by civildp1
you should call one of the songs, "Respecting Old People" just to mix things up.

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You just made a very powerful enemy BenFoffenbock.
#3
I guess its more of a pop-punk sorta thing I dont really pick out genres for my lyrics I just write them lol.....but thanks for the crit
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#4
Ok i don't mean to sound rude so i am gonna make it as polite as possible. The opening line of your song totally reminds me of a foo fighter song "best of you". Some of the lines are really cliche but some metaphors are gr8 . as far as repetition is concerned it works quite well but it can be made to work at much gr8r extent.Try to stay away from cheesy lines like "husband and wife". use some metaphors instead overall the flow is good but it could use some work.
Amd plz change ur opening line otherwise every one will think that this is a ripp off of a foo fighters song. hope i wasn't too harsh.

Andy
Hi
#6
ok AB i agree with some of the later stuff but as for the foo fighters thing.....i have only listend to one foo fighter song in my life and i listend to it like 5 times, so I would have no idea it sounds like one of theirs....
Check for "Taking a Picture (Won't capture this)
#7
Yeah I don't think many will get it confused with "Best of You". All that is similar is that they both have the word 'confession' in them.
Quote by kriscornella2@g
I know i wish i was as cool as you and be into Sum 41 and Taking back Sunday. Gaylord.

Quote by civildp1
you should call one of the songs, "Respecting Old People" just to mix things up.

Quote by вяaи∂ иєw
You just made a very powerful enemy BenFoffenbock.