Short poem. Yay, nay?

I've got hope like razor blades
cutting me to pieces
and leaving no remains.
I am the whisper in your ear,
the song you do not hear,
the final narrow path,
the scream behind your laugh.
I liked that last line, "The scream behind your laugh." Very cool imagery.

The only problem I saw (which is neither your fault nor can be corrected), is because razor blades have become a stereotypical emo mainstay, some might interpret it as such.

Regardless, I enjoyed it.
Gunpowder: FUCKING ROCKS!!!
Quote by The Madcap
[witty set-up]
Gunpowder FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!

Quote by Kensai

Gunpowder you fucking rock!!

Quote by Dirge Humani
Now I can say, with sufficient certainly, that you, Gunpowder...

Yeah i really liked it but i agree with gunpowder that the razor blades sounds abit emo i dont know if you wanted it to sound like it or if it was a mistake of impression but other than that great. I say maybe write more of it make it longer so i can read the rest and fully understand it.

please crit my new song about parents breaking up. click link below.

place for me