This is my first song/poem. (or whatever you want to call it) I got pissed off a couple of days ago and just started writing and came up with this. It doesn't really follow a pattern. So what you guys think?

I'm getting tired of this place
Everyday is the same God damn thing
From teenage drama to gun fire
I think i've had enough of this sh*t

It isn't getting any better
This isn't resolving sh*t
Another broken home
Another broken heart
Another girl raped
Another soldier shot
Was their blood on the floor really worth it?

Stop your war
Stop your bitching
We've tried this before
It still isn't working
So here's a new take on it
(here's a new take on it)

It's called shut the f*ck up and smile
Pretend to care
Pretend to give a damn
Just shut the f*ck up and smile
Maybe then we'll make some progress

I hope you hear me loud and clear
Over the sound of the bombs dropping
Over the sound of your parents yelling
Over the sound of her crying because dad might not make it through the night

So lets shut the f*ck up and smile
pretend to like it
pretend to care
Just shut the f*ck up and smile
Don't worry if you have bad teeth
We'll say they look great any way
Last edited by Jersey_Zombie at Jun 29, 2007,
It's the beginning of something good. I'd like to see where you can take it with a bit more structure. The "shut the f*ck up and smile" bits make a nice chorus. I especially like the "don't worry if you have bad teeth" bit.
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
-Dorothy Parker
Oh, I quite like this. I can tell you wrote it when you were pissed off, and that makes it even better.

It flows really, really well.

And the swearing really adds something to it, which is good.

Very good work, especially for a first song.
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