#1
Crit for a crit, hey this is something i put together in about 10 minutes, it needs a lot of work, its basically about wanting more when really you got everything, and everything is a special someone in your life. please crit.

Verse:
have you ever had a dream
of differents palces or something make believe
you wish it was true and wish you could have it
but it will never happen because its all make beleive

Corus:
because fairytales belong in her dreams
belong on the movies screens
wish it was real having what you want
but you got what you want
you really have her
#2
Okay i have only one gripe with this piece here.

the whole it's a fairytale thing doesn't flow with the last two lines of the chorus which imply that you do indeed get what you want basically meaning that the whole idea you stated in the title that fairytales belong on movie screens and dreams is null and void, and completely contradicted.

Now I sound harsh, but I don't mean any harm, it's just the way I read it made it seem contradicting to the whole idea of the song.

This is a very cliche idea, but I can back it up, it sounds promising, i'd like to see what you do with it
#4
I agree with nosoup on alot of the stuff. But I like the first two lines alot and I think if you build off of those you can have a high quality peice, just keep working at it and like soup said it sounds promising.
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#5
I really like the first two lines of both the verse and chorus.

The rest sort of let me down a bit. Too predictable.

I know this probably isn't what you want, but for the first verse I think it sounds a bit better like this;

have you ever had a dream
of differents places or something make believe
you wish it was true and you wish it was yours,
but then reality swings round to face you

Something like that.

The last three lines of the chorus are all over the place in regards to how the meter goes, you really should work on them as well.
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#6
thanx for that yeah ill fix it too thanx for that a big help i like it better like that ill fix it soon
Last edited by lmcca66 at Jul 6, 2007,
#8
Sounds like something that Fallout Boy or Blink 182 would sing.
Some people would find that insulting though
I'm liking it overall though.
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A sense of humour