#1
this is my first song i've posted.

much different when i met you
tried romance for a while
then we found out fast
it just wasnt our style

Chorus:
you never turned your back
you never left me in the rain
you gave it all you got
you've been everthing im not

Always there when i need you
always pick up when i call
and i wish i could be
half the friend you are to me


there was no bitter end
no hard feelings after it all
got closer after it was over
walked a little taller after a fall

chorus

talking to the one person i trust
stay up all night on the phone
the most beautiful girl i've seen
is the best friend i've known

I'm looking at making some changes, even taking out the first part of the chorus. I know the last verse doesnt flow too well, any comments and suggestions are appreciated. Feel free to shoot it down if you want to also. c4c
Last edited by corrylb19 at Jul 4, 2007,
#2
pretty good i think

maybe in the chorus make that simply "You Gave Everything You Got"
for a more crisp, smooth lyric

after that last line you should make a build up on that and make a gutiar solo after

then after that take the tune of the song, make it very slow, and add one more verse


but i like ur idea on this one, good job


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#3
you know when i saw the title i thought of the nirvana song "half the man i used to be"
I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes HEY!
#4
Quote by ItsThatDude
you know when i saw the title i thought of the nirvana song "half the man i used to be"


yea i thought that 2 (isnt hat stone temple pilots?)

Quote by yawn
It just occurred to me that UG attracts a lot of socially isolated male teenagers with questionable psychological dispositions.


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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Whip and Chains Excite Me!!



Got'em!
#5
dude thats a stone temple pilots song and its called creep. not nirvana.
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#6
oh yeah and i like it but you should change "you always gave me everything you got" to something that would make the phrasing smoother. hope that helps
I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes HEY!
#7
hey, i've never even heard that stone temple pilots/nirvana song, but ill work on the verses. thanks EDIT: just curious, what genre do you guys see here?
Last edited by corrylb19 at Jul 1, 2007,
#8
thnx for ur crit dude uuum, i find this song sweet but somewhat cliche. I also think that it would flow much nicer with the music, however i still i dont like L3 in the chorus, 'you always gave me all you've got' would sound smoother i guess...well, keep on writing and try different subjects than love
#9
Hey dude I really liked it. The only thing is I would try to make the first verse longer. But its great just the same.
#10
there was no bitter end
no hard feelings after a fall <<
got closer after it was over
walked a little taller after a fall <<

maybe that should be changed, you said the same thing twice. just a suggestion but it looks really good overall. I like the theme
#11
oh, thanks for pointing that out, it was actually a typo, it was supposed to say, "no hard feelings after it all"
#12
much different when i met you
tried romance for a while
then we found out fast
it just wasnt our style

Not the strongest start, very vague. And I am not really that keen on the last line.


Chorus:
you never turned your back
you never left me in the rain
you gave it all you got
you've been everthing im not

I like it. This person obviously means a lot to you

Always there when i need you
always pick up when i call
and i wish i could be
half the friend you are to me

Cool, nothing much wrong here.

there was no bitter end
no hard feelings after a fall
got closer after it was over
walked a little taller after a fall

Wow, happily ever after for once. But the two 'falls' seem odd.

chorus

talking to the one person i trust
stay up all night on the phone
the most beautiful girl i've seen
is the best friend i've known

Makes me sad that I have never found anyone like this. Great ending. Good job.
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#13
much different when i met you
tried romance for a while
then we found out fast
it just wasnt our style

Good job setting up the story. Something about that last line doesn't flow right for me, but I can't give any suggestions for change...

Chorus:
you never turned your back
you never left me in the rain
you gave it all you got
you've been everthing im not

Good job her. I like the rhyme scheme you used.

Always there when i need you
always pick up when i call
and i wish i could be
half the friend you are to me

No complaints here. I like this verse.

there was no bitter end
no hard feelings after it all
got closer after it was over
walked a little taller after a fall

I like the third line, it flows well. Overall nice stanza.

chorus

talking to the one person i trust
stay up all night on the phone
the most beautiful girl i've seen
is the best friend i've known

Kind of a sad ending. Clearly feelings are still there but it just doesn't work. I like it though.

I liked this one. True story? Good piece.
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#14
it actually is a true story, i liked this one girl for a long time, dated for 2 weeks, broke up, and now we're best friends
#15
That sucks dude. I've been there. I think most people have. Although you're still best friends, so that's good. More than I can say for myself. But I tend to get upset and burn bridges.
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Acoustic B200

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#16
I like this. No exceptional writing or anything, but it gives it's message strongly, and a strong one at that. It flows awkwardly at points, but I think with music, it'll work nicely.

there was no bitter end
no hard feelings after it all
got closer after it was over
walked a little taller after a fall

I like this verse, but I think the last line might work better if it said 'the fall' insted of 'a fall' imo.
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#17
Quote by corrylb19
this is my first song i've posted.

much different when i met you
tried romance for a while
then we found out fast
it just wasnt our style
Not much to say here except I can relate to that

Chorus:
you never turned your back
you never left me in the rain
you gave it all you got
you've been everthing im not
The third line seems a little short maybe try "you gave it everything you've got"

Always there when i need you
always pick up when i call
and i wish i could be
half the friend you are to me

I especially like this part

there was no bitter end
no hard feelings after it all
got closer after it was over
walked a little taller after a fall
Doesn't exactly flow as well as the first verse, but O.K. overall

chorus

talking to the one person i trust
stay up all night on the phone
the most beautiful girl i've seen
is the best friend i've known
Maybe try "You are the one person I trust
We stay up all night on the phone
the most beautiful girl i've seen
is the best friend i've known"


I'm looking at making some changes, even taking out the first part of the chorus. I know the last verse doesnt flow too well, any comments and suggestions are appreciated. Feel free to shoot it down if you want to also. c4c


This is my first Crit...Please excuse any stupid n00b mistakes I've made and please crit mine if you get a chance
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