#1
This is a Christian Rock song that I Wrote. I am still working on it. I will admit that I am not a good song writer. But could you guys give me your honest opinion about this song.


Verse 1


I used to live the night life
Dancing on the wild side
Flirting with death itself
Not believing in Heaven or Hell.


Pre Chorus

But God reveled to me
That I could be free.


Chorus

This is my Heart's Plea
That you would open up your eyes and see
Those sins you have you don't need
God can set you free
If we all looked to heaven
And weren’t all set in the ways of the world.
And looked to the Lord to set us free
This is my Hearts Plea.


Verse 2

The world has a narrow view
Only a select few
Know right from wrong
And can get along
The rest seem to have an addiction
To the ugliness and the rage
Oh its a shame
Oh its a shame

Pre Chorus

If they could just open up their eyes
God could help them realize
They could be free

Chorus


Well that’s it for now. Please don't hold back. Tell me what you thing. Thanks
#2
nice, but why doesnt the 1st verse rhyme and 4 lines long as opposed to the 2nd verse's rhyming and being longer?
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#3
I don't know what Christian rock is but I'll give it a try.

Verse 1


I used to live the night life
Dancing on the wild side
Flirting with death itself
Not believing in Heaven or Hell.
The first to lines are good but the last two are a bit choppy flow-wise

Pre Chorus

But God reveled to me
That I could be free.
Don't know what to say about this, it doesn't add anything dramatic, imo pre-choruses aren't really a necesity but do whatever it's your song.

Chorus

This is my Heart's Plea
That you would open up your eyes and see
Those sins you have you don't need
God can set you free
If we all looked to heaven
And weren’t all set in the ways of the world.
And looked to the Lord to set us free
This is my Hearts Plea.
Ok, I'm afraid I have some issues with this one. Not to put you down or anything but the rhyme scheme you use here is really obvious and forced. The repitition of free can be annoying. You don't need to rhyme everysingle word for it to be good.

Verse 2

The world has a narrow view
Only a select few
Know right from wrong
And can get along
The rest seem to have an addiction
To the ugliness and the rage
Oh its a shame
Oh its a shame
This was better but it could be improved. I know you have a rhythm for it in your head but I don't so you need to use periods and commas to make it clear to me how this will sound

Pre Chorus

If they could just open up their eyes
God could help them realize
They could be free
eyes/realize is forced, though no point in changing it but in future songs keep an eye on that
Chorus

This was good, maybe a bit short. I liked the meaning you were putting in it. The theme of it might have been a bit vague but it worked. I hope this didn't sound mean, specially when talking about the rhyming. C4C: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=618599
#5
This is short, sweet, and to the point. Transitions nicely to the chorus
Quote by Jarrod316


Verse 1


I used to live the night life
Dancing on the wild side
Flirting with death itself
Not believing in Heaven or Hell.
I like this, being a Chrisitan myself, i can really see where this song is going


Pre Chorus

But God reveled to me
That I could be free.
Its nice and short, but maybe change "revealed" to "showed" to make the rhythm smoother

Chorus

This is my Heart's Plea
That you would open up your eyes and see
Those sins you have you don't need
God can set you free
If we all looked to heaven
And weren’t all set in the ways of the world.
And looked to the Lord to set us free
This is my Hearts Plea.

I like this, The heart's plea is a really good metaphor here
Verse 2

The world has a narrow view
Only a select few
Know right from wrong
And can get along
The rest seem to have an addiction
To the ugliness and the rage
Oh its a shame
Oh its a shame
The rhyming in the first part is nice, but i might change line 5 to fewer syllables (sp?) just to make it flow smoother
Pre Chorus

If they could just open up their eyes
God could help them realize
They could be free
"they could be free" really gives the song a nice center piece and keeps it all together
Chorus


Well that’s it for now. Please don't hold back. Tell me what you thing. Thanks

This was awesome. Keep going, the world needs more good Chrisitian music.
#7
I thought it's really good man. The rhyme was a bit forced sometimes but overall its a great song!
#10
It's a good, wholesome song with a positive message that still has the potential to rock at the same. Good work, Jarrod.
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#11
Not bad, a good start and has potential. Durring the second verse it seems accusing sorta, which doesn't feel quite right. Seems to be alot of emphisis on being set free, im assuming that referes to being saved in this song. The chorus seems to be the key part of the song, but it seems to get old really fast, after reading it a few times I was bored with it. Thats my opinion on this peice.
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