#1
ok, so i have this amazing girl in my life
she pretty much is th eheaven in my hell

so im trying to write her the perfect song
so i need lots of pointers, so plz tell me what u think

My Reason

I open my heavy eyes
to a world i despise
The coldness of heart and mind
I can see the rain outside
but then i see a sudden grace
a picture of you face

Every time I walk alone
You're the Sun that's never shone
on my life before
you're the woman i adore

You're my reason
my reason to live
You're my reason
from God, my gift
You're my reason
I know this inside
i know I'll always be there by your side

The aching in my head
are soothed by things you said
when I talked to you last
you make me so relaxed
Perfect may be a dream
but you're perfect from what i see

because Everytime I cry alone
You're the Sun that's always shone
you open up the door
you're the woman i adore

CHORUS

[Solo]

CHORUS


what u think?
thanks in advance
Quote by yawn
It just occurred to me that UG attracts a lot of socially isolated male teenagers with questionable psychological dispositions.


Quote by I'm_Guitarded
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Whip and Chains Excite Me!!



Got'em!
#2
I think it's really good except "I can see the rain outside" sounds a bit out of place imo
#3
its sorta to being a mood of depression into it, but thanks
Quote by yawn
It just occurred to me that UG attracts a lot of socially isolated male teenagers with questionable psychological dispositions.


Quote by I'm_Guitarded
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Whip and Chains Excite Me!!



Got'em!
#4
Nice one!!!
yeah I remember when I was in a depression and I wrote a song about a girl ( it didn't rhyme at all!) but she almost cried...

I think that inspiration comes a lot with depression...

I m not emo!
Learn to swim....


Αλλη μια πέτρα που κυλά...


[quote="Chris.Rock.Art
"]he's my "friend" he said he wanted me to see. It wasn't an accident...he wants to have sex
#5
i hear ya, i used to be emo and complain bout probs to peeps

writing it downs easier and more useful


and thanks
Quote by yawn
It just occurred to me that UG attracts a lot of socially isolated male teenagers with questionable psychological dispositions.


Quote by I'm_Guitarded
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Whip and Chains Excite Me!!



Got'em!
#6
thanks for the crit. I like the intro, it really sets up the whole piece.

I know this inside <<
i know I'll always be there by your side<<
if you listen, this just doesnt flow too well, try to find another line for one to replace one of these, but i really like the last one.

Overall, i think its a good piece with a good hook and concept
#7
The coldness of heart and mind

Doesnt seem to fit, i would change it to

The coldness of heart
The coldness of mind

I'd also change
i know I'll always be there by your side

to

i know I'll always be there (slight pause)
by your side
Gear List

Guitars
PRS SE Tremonti
Ltd Mh-100qmnt
Peavey Rotor ex
Crafter Acoustic

Amps
Bugera 333
Bugera 412h

Effects
Marshall Shredmaster
Line 6 MM4
Line 6 DL4
Ibanez Weeping Demon
Dan Electro Fish'n'chips
Ibanez LU-10
#8
The rest is really good though
Gear List

Guitars
PRS SE Tremonti
Ltd Mh-100qmnt
Peavey Rotor ex
Crafter Acoustic

Amps
Bugera 333
Bugera 412h

Effects
Marshall Shredmaster
Line 6 MM4
Line 6 DL4
Ibanez Weeping Demon
Dan Electro Fish'n'chips
Ibanez LU-10