#1
More black humour.


She spent too many
long hours on the phone.
She wanted a way
to make the phone
readily available, somewhere
where she could always find it.

She stared at the knife…

Would it work?

She jabbed the point of the blade
into her scalp and slashed
downward, severing her ear in two.
With one hand, she pulled
the two flaps of the scar apart,
and with the other,
she placed the telephone
in to the deep cut.

Will it heal?

The wound healed around the phone,
but she could hear a beep
every now and then.
The sound soon began to annoy her,
and she could not find the source,
until…

Bugger, it needs charged
#2
She spent too many
long hours on the phone.
She wanted a way
to make the phone
readily available, somewhere
where she could always find it.

She stared at the knife…

Would it work?

She jabbed the point of the blade
into her scalp and slashed
downward, severing her ear in two.
With one hand, she pulled
the two flaps of the scar apart,
and with the other,
she placed the telephone
in to the deep cut.

Will it heal?

The wound healed around the phone,
but she could hear a beep
every now and then.
The sound soon began to annoy her,
and she could not find the source,
until…

Bugger, it needs charged…


Black humour indeed. I didn't have any problem with this really. I like the was you put the letters in red. The only problem I had with that was you did read about 4 times and blood only once. Another thing that happened was that that distracted me from the piece. I had to read it twice because at first a skipped a line to make a word and got confused. I also don't know if it's me but the last line seems to be in the wrong tense. Might be me though. Other than that this was quite cool.
#4
Quote by imnotcommunist
lol wtf


I think you need to get a grasp on poetry and humour apart from the fact of learning how to crit a piece.